At the end of the day, when everything goes quiet, a simple question arises: Was today meaningful? Not just busy or productive—but meaningful. For men struggling to find direction, this question can be a wake-up call. One of the most powerful ways to start living intentionally is to reflect on your actions from the perspective of looking back on your day. Below, I’ll discuss one of the daily habits to live a meaningful life.

Imagine it’s 10 p.m. You’re reflecting. What would you wish you had done differently?

This isn’t abstract philosophy—it’s a practical approach rooted in psychology and behavioral science. It aligns with Viktor Frankl’s ideas about finding meaning and James Clear’s insights on identity-based habits in Atomic Habits. By focusing on daily habits to live a meaningful life, men can begin to close the gap between intention and action, and reduce feelings of aimlessness or regret.

Why Reflecting on Your Day Helps You Live Meaningfully

Viktor Frankl emphasized that life’s primary drive is the search for meaning. He argued that we don’t ask what we expect from life—life asks what it expects from us. Each day presents small opportunities to answer that question through our actions.

By mentally fast-forwarding to the end of your day, you engage in what psychologists call counterfactual thinking: imagining alternative outcomes. Research shows that people regret what they didn’t do more than what they did. Avoidance, hesitation, and distraction are often the real sources of regret.

So when you ask in the morning—or even midday, What will I regret not doing today?—you begin to prioritize differently. Suddenly:

• Scrolling through your phone feels less appealing
• Avoiding difficult conversations feels heavier
• Delaying meaningful work or growth feels costly

This simple reflection helps men align their daily habits to their values—without creating unnecessary pressure.

Identity and Daily Habits: Insights from Atomic Habits

James Clear’s Atomic Habits teaches that lasting change comes from focusing on identity, not just goals. Instead of asking, What do I want to achieve? consider, Who do I want to become?

For men seeking direction, this approach is vital. At night, regret often sounds like:

• “I didn’t act like the man I want to be.”
• “I avoided what truly mattered.”
• “I chose comfort over growth.”

These feelings signal a mismatch between identity and actions. Aligning your daily habits to your desired identity is the foundation of a meaningful life.

Practical examples:

• If your identity is “a caring partner,” did you show up emotionally?
• If your identity is “a focused professional,” did you protect your time?
• If your identity is “someone who grows,” did you lean into discomfort?

By consistently practicing daily habits to live a meaningful life, men can reduce regret and feel more purposeful.

How Regret Can Guide Your Daily Choices

Regret isn’t just a negative feeling—it’s feedback. It highlights the gap between your values and your behavior. Often, reflection reveals one of three areas needing attention:

1. Avoidance – Not doing something you knew mattered
2. Disconnection – Not being present with people or experiences
3. Inauthenticity – Acting against your values or identity

Frankl emphasized that meaning can be found through work, relationships, and attitude. Regret signals which area might be neglected. By analyzing these moments, men can use regret as a roadmap to build more intentional daily habits.

A Simple Daily Practice for Men Seeking Direction

To start applying daily habits to live a meaningful life:

Morning (2 minutes):
Ask yourself: At the end of today, what would I regret not doing?
Choose 1–3 meaningful actions for the day.

Evening (5 minutes):
Reflect: Did I act like the person I want to become?
Identify areas of avoidance, disconnection, or misalignment with your values.

This isn’t about perfection—it’s about awareness, growth, and gradually aligning habits with identity.

Take Action Today, Look Back Without Regret

You don’t build a meaningful life in one grand decision. You build it through consistent daily habits. Frankl reminds us that we retain freedom to choose our responses, even under challenging circumstances. Clear shows that these small, intentional actions compound into identity.

For men seeking direction, focusing on daily habits to live a meaningful life can be transformative. When you reflect at the end of each day, ask yourself: When I look back tonight, what will matter? Then take action in a way that makes your answer clear and satisfying.

Gary Watson is a therapist for men and women in the Grand Rapids, Michigan and surrounding areas. He uses solution focused therapy to help those who want to take an active approach to solving problems, improving themselves, and their situation. Men and women who want a practical and forward (not backward) approach to counseling will appreciate Gary’s approach to counseling.

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Many men who begin therapy say they feel stuck. They want to make healthier choices, feel more confident, and get their lives moving in the right direction—but something keeps getting in the way. Surprisingly often, one of the biggest obstacles is simple: poor sleep. Improving sleep habits can dramatically affect other aspects of your mental capabilities and success.

Establishing a consistent bedtime routine is one of the most powerful steps men can take to improve their mental health, decision-making, and self-confidence. When you regularly get to bed at a reasonable hour, you give your mind and body the foundation they need to function at their best.

Why Sleep Matters for Mental Health

Sleep is essential for emotional regulation and mental clarity. When you get enough rest, your brain processes stress, regulates mood, and restores energy. When you don’t, everything becomes harder.

Men who are sleep-deprived often notice:

• Increased stress and irritability
• Poor concentration and productivity
• More impulsive decision-making
• Lower motivation
• Reduced emotional resilience

These effects can show up in relationships, work, and personal goals. Over time, chronic sleep deprivation can contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout.

For many men, improving sleep habits becomes a powerful starting point for improving overall mental health.

Better Sleep Leads to Better Life Choices

One of the most immediate benefits of a healthy sleep routine is improved decision-making. When you are well-rested, the part of the brain responsible for planning and self-control works more effectively.

This makes it easier to make choices such as:

• Exercising regularly
• Eating healthier foods
• Managing stress more calmly
• Staying productive at work
• Maintaining healthier relationships

In contrast, when you’re exhausted, the brain tends to seek quick relief rather than long-term benefit. That might mean staying up late scrolling on your phone, skipping the gym, overeating, or avoiding difficult conversations.

Simply put, good sleep makes healthy choices easier.

Sleep Builds Discipline and Self-Trust

Confidence is often misunderstood. Many people think confidence is something you either have or don’t have. In reality, confidence grows from repeated experiences of keeping promises to yourself.

A bedtime routine creates a daily opportunity to practice discipline.

For example, you might set a goal to start winding down at 10:30 p.m. Each night you follow through—turning off screens, dimming lights, and preparing for sleep—you reinforce an important message to yourself: I take care of my well-being.

Over time, these small actions build self-trust, which is a key ingredient of genuine self-confidence.

A Simple Bedtime Routine for Better Mental Health

You don’t need a complicated system for improving sleep habits. A few consistent habits can make a big difference.

Consider starting with these steps:

1. Set a consistent bedtime. Aim to go to bed at the same time most nights.
2. Reduce screen time before bed. Turn off phones and laptops 30–60 minutes before sleeping.
3. Create a wind-down ritual. Reading, stretching, or journaling can help signal to your brain that it’s time to rest.
4. Keep your sleep schedule steady. Try to wake up at the same time each morning.

Small adjustments like these help regulate your internal clock and help in improving sleep habits and quality.

Why Sleep Matters for Men’s Therapy

Many men come to therapy seeking help with relationships, motivation, stress, or finding direction in life. While these challenges can be complex, healthy routines often create the stability needed to make real progress.

Sleep is one of the most important foundations.

When men begin prioritizing rest, they often notice clearer thinking, stronger emotional control, and improved confidence in their ability to make positive changes.

The Bottom Line

Building a better life rarely starts with dramatic changes. More often, it begins with simple, consistent habits.

Getting to bed at a reasonable hour may seem small, but it supports better mental health, stronger decision-making, and lasting self-confidence. Over time, that one habit can create momentum for healthier choices in every area of life.

If you’re working on improving your mental health, relationships, or sense of purpose, start with the basics. A consistent sleep routine might be one of the most powerful changes you can make.

Gary Watson is a therapist located in the Grand Rapids, MI area. He provides Solution Focused Therapy and specializes in working with young men who struggle with depression, worry, stress, relationships, self-confidence and more.

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Success leads to more success. When possible, focus on what you’re doing right, and less on what you’re doing wrong. Focusing on your successes builds your confidence to keep going and keep trying. Focusing on your failures will demotivate you and may even lead to depression. But of course, be realistic; be honest.

An Example of Looking for Success

I was talking to a client today in my Ada counseling office about his recent dating life. He had some bad luck with the women he dated over the past year. However, he recently worked up the courage to start a conversation with a girl. Fortunately, it went well and they plan to see each other again. Since he is on an upswing, I decided to ask him to focus on what he’s doing right lately that lead to his current success. He listed several things he is doing right including trying to improve on his job, being more social, trying new hobbies, and giving himself credit for taking reasonable risks. Talking about his successes lead to him realizing more things he has done right recently and he listed those as well. And, remembering more things made him feel more confident. I could see it in his posture.

Choose to Look for Your Successes, Not Your Failures

So, I mentioned to him that we always have a choice to make, focus on successes or on failures. I asked him how he could use this idea if the girl he talked to rejected him. He correctly asserted he could have given himself credit for being brave enough to talk to her rather than feeling like a loser.

The boy in the ad above might have been correct if he told himself he is not the best hitter in the world. Some would say that’s more honest. But changing it to being the best pitcher was also true in a sense. nd much more useful in maintaining his enthusiasm and willingness to keep going.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Putting in effort matters in your mental health. Whether you have anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, or something else. To feel good about yourself, about who you are, or where you are going, put in real effort.

I counsel people who are dissatisfied their jobs, social situation, relationships, or maybe their body or personalities. Quite often, people feel worthless but don’t actually do anything to make themselves more worthy. You can change these things for the better, but only with effort. Magical thinking doesn’t change it, telling yourself you’re a warrior, boss, alpha, etc. won’t turn you into one either. You have to start and actually do the work. The good news is there are some life hacks (behavioral hacks) to get help you start. You’d be surprised at how little effort it takes to become a better person. Notice I said become a better person, not think you’re a better person.

Tired of Being Anxious or Depressed?

If you’re tired of being anxious or depressed, boost your mental state just by getting up and doing something. You have to muster the effort to get out of the chair, off the couch, put your phone down, and start doing things that make a difference. Sometimes the smallest effort such as washing dishes, tidying up a room, or getting outside and going for a short walk is a great start to strengthening your mental health. If you do this, it’s probably a little more than you did yesterday. Start there and add something to it the next time, walk a little farther, clean a little more, read one more page of the book.

If you’re like me, you feel better on days you’re productive and getting things done than on days you “play” but don’t accomplish much. On days I don’t accomplish much, I go to bed thinking of the things I neglected to do. On the other hand, on days I get a lot done, I feel satisfied with myself and look forward to relaxing the next day because I’ve earned it.

Being Productive Improves Mental Health

I’ve seen this same effect with other people. I’ll use my son as an example. I make a point to have my son take on more responsibility around the house. Earlier this Spring I had him split some firewood for me. He went outside grumbling because it meant his video game was interrupted. It took him about 30 minutes to split the wood. When he walked back inside, he walked noticeably straighter and with more swagger. He put in the effort to do something hard and felt better for it afterward. More recently, I had him help me with some yard work. I gave him the more manly task of cutting down some saplings with a machete, which he did. Then on his own, he started pulling some bigger weeds in part of the front yard. When I told him he could take a break if he wanted, he declined. He said he was enjoying seeing the progress he was making. He felt good because he got stuff done and saw the progress.

If you want better mental health, try making improvements to yourself. There are no shortcuts. You have to expend effort. This can be mental or physical effort. It’s okay to start small and work your way up. First, figure out what you want to improve. Consider learning to do something new like play an instrument or learn to cook. I have clients who want to get in better shape so they are designing exercise regimens. The key though is to start really small with about one to three percent of where you want to end up.

Start Small for Better Results

For example, if you want to learn more by reading books, don’t try to read a whole book all at once. Start by reading one page a day and gradually add more pages per day. If you want to start exercising, you might need to start with two pushups in the morning before work or school, then gradually increase. And there are scientific reasons for doing this. I’ll explain below.

Pushing yourself to do too much too soon can burn you out quickly. You’re relying on sheer will power to do it and willpower doesn’t last. Doing too much too soon can lead to failing to reach a goal. This usually hurts your mental health. In addition, if you force yourself to do something like practice piano for too long at one sitting, your brain will register this as something unenjoyable and our brains don’t like to do things that we don’t enjoy. You can only force yourself for so long. We change best by enjoying the changes we make. This usually means starting small and slowly increasing the effort.

Even Things You Don’t Like

Even things we don’t like to do, such as homework, can be enjoyable for short periods of time (maybe only for 30 seconds). This is because we enjoy being productive more than enjoy the task itself. When you start the thing you want to get good at, start with small increments of it, and stop while it still feels good. Your brain registers this as a good thing that should be repeated. This makes it much easier to do again the next day. In essence, by doing the new thing and stopping while it still feels good, we develop a craving to do it some more, which means we’re looking forward to doing it at the next opportunity, rather than being glad the hard effort is over and dreading having to do it again.

There is a good book that explains this in detail called “Tiny Habits” by B.J. Fogg if you want more information and specific ideas.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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It’s hard for some people to say “No” because they don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, don’t like to make waves, or don’t like conflict.  In turn, the people who end up asking them to do things for them often don’t realize they are putting them in an imposition.  Other times, it may be a boss who makes you their go-to person for extra work because they know other people will make a fuss, but you won’t.  You end up with the crappy jobs that no one else wants.

Another situation where some people have trouble saying “no “is when it’s time to register a complaint with a spouse.  You may not want to cause tension or hurt their feelings so you keep your feelings bottled up instead of hashing them out.  Some people have a family history of avoiding conflict because of the dynamics of their family of origin.  I was definitely this way myself, so as a young man I avoided confrontations of even the smallest kind rather than pushing back and advocating for myself. I had to learn how to get comfortable with what felt like conflict.  The problem was, as an agreeable person who prefers harmony in relationships, how could I let people know I was irritated or hurt by their words or actions.  I had to try some things out and see what worked.  

I developed a few strategies that may help you. For me, properly “couching” things was the first step.  I wanted to bring up my concerns in as diplomatic a way as possible.  So one of my strategies is this:  When someone does something that I find myself hurt or offended by and need to talk about it, I start by saying, “There’s been something on my mind that happened between us and I realized I’ve been irritated about it and it doesn’t seem fair to you for me to be mad about something that I don’t even talk to you about.  Do you mind if I tell you what’s been bothering me?”  This usually goes pretty well.  Remember, it’s not really that the other person can’t handle the conflict; I’m dealing with my own discomfort of bringing something up.  This wording works to make me feel like I’m being diplomatic about it and easing into it gently, which makes it easier to bring up.

This approach also works well in work situations.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated at work, you might have a conversation with your boss starting with, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with my work tasks lately and feel like I’m not doing the quality of work that I usually do.  I’m worried my attitude might be getting difficult and I don’t want it to affect the company or my department.  Can I talk to you about what’s been going on to see if you have some ideas I haven’t considered yet?”

This may sound absurd to people who are comfortable being direct and just telling people when they’re irritated but for those of you who struggle with it like I do, it can be a game changer.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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As I delve more into the science of behavior and motivation, I learn  many of my clients have one thing in common.  They bite off more than they can chew at the start, and then get demotivated and quit. The other thing they do that interferes with their goals is to plan to start “tomorrow”, and tomorrow never happens.

My clients know that starting these good, healthy habits will be a big benefit to them in their lives, so they can’t understand why they can’t just do it.  

The problem is that many of the things we “need” to do in order to feel good about ourselves, cost us in mental and physical effort.  And the human brain doesn’t really like expending energy.  Our brains are geared towards conserving energy, not expending it.  Our brains tell us not to repeat things that are painful or cost a lot of energy.  This may be the same principle in play when we touch a hot stove.  Our brain says to us, “don’t do that again, that hurts.  So goes the motivation when we do something like work out too hard.  We may feel good about burning calories on that first workout, but if we push ourselves and use up all our will power, we are still fighting our brain’s insistence not to do that again because it wasn’t fun.

So, what do you do? You’re trying to start a habit of doing something your brain really doesn’t want you to continue.  How do you convince it otherwise so it will be on your side?

Here’s the trick.  Start small and do just enough so that you’re still enjoying the activity, and then quit for the day while you’re ahead.  Most activities, even math homework, can be enjoyable, or at least satisfying, in short bursts.  For math, for example, you might feel good about the fact that you got out your books and started trying to understand algebra, just for a few minutes.  You want to stop while this still feels good, rather than push through until you’re in agony.

Then, the next day, you add just a little more time to your task.  If you did 5 pushups today and quit before your arms really hurt and your brain is asking why are you doing this, you’ll have the slightest feeling of, “I wanted to keep going”,and then, “I want to do that again”.  This way your brain sees this as enjoyable and instead of dreading when you have to do it again, you’ll be anxiously awaiting the time when you get to do it again.  Then in a few days, you add just a bit more. And in this way, you start to develop a new habit for something that you need to do but don’t necessarily want to do (at first).  Pretty soon,  the exercise or homework or yard work won’t seem like “work” because you let yourself develop an interest in doing it by starting slow and building up.

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I thought about it for a few minutes before responding to his dilemma.  Although it’s hard to make mistakes and feel the embarrassment of them, it’s an important life lesson to own your mistakes and learn to be better.  If you can’t admit when you make a mistake you’re just failing to take accountability for yourself.  It’s a fool who can’t admit they make mistakes or screw things up on occasion because you still know you did it and so do the people who are involved. 

So with my son, he walked me through what went wrong, how he made an error in judgement and what he thought he could do to prevent it from happening again.  We talked about how to approach his teammates who got on his case about his mistake.  For example, he could admit it didn’t go well and ask them what he should do differently.  He might get some good advice and learn something.

We also went over events that resulted in the mistake.  For example, the coach had him play defender, which he hadn’t played before.  He misread cues from the goalie since he’d never had to do that before.  These are reasons for the mistake, not excuses.  Doing this is about figuring out how the mistake happened and it can help you feel better, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t  make the mistake.  He came up with a plan to talk to the goalie at the next practice so they both know what to do in future games.  

It takes courage to admit you’re wrong but it also builds integrity and honor.  It’s impossible to go through life without making mistakes, some of them downright embarrassing.  But to earn and keep your self-respect and the respect of others, you have to deal with them.  This means sitting with that feeling of feeling like an idiot for a while, but then brushing yourself off and trying to fix it.

I provide a lot of counseling for teenagers and young men and women and this is often one of the topics we address. How to develop self respect and earn the respect of others. How to conduct yourself at work, school, and in relationships. They are relatively easy lessons to understand yet few of us put them into practice. Even many of my fellow clinicians placate their clients by telling them their life choices weren’t their fault. They tell their clients their problems are caused by society or those “other” people. They say people should just accept you the way you are and if they don’t then there’s something wrong with them. Sometimes this is true, but most times if you want to find the person responsible for your misfortune, just look in the closest mirror. But that’s not so bad because it’s a lot easier to better yourself than to fix someone else.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Using the Love and Logic Approach

Dealing with teenage behavior problems can be a challenge, but I think it is important to not only address the poor behavior, but also teach and promote the positive behaviors.  One of the things I often teach in my counseling practice is the Love and Logic approach to parenting. 

This involves, expecting your kids to make mistakes or bad decisions, and letting them deal with reasonable consequences of their bad decisions.  This can be tough because sometimes parents have to invent negative consequences.  For example, if the poor choice is that they are doing things that make their parents worry or stress out, then the parent may have to name their own stress as the problem and let the teenager know they will have to do something about it. 

For example, “Suzie, you neglecting to study for tests and then failing them is a problem for me because it makes me worry about your future.  I think it’s probably your phone that is keeping you from studying adequately.  If you can fix the problem of me worrying about your grades that would be great, but if not, I’ll have to solve my problem.”  Then, if Suzie starts studying, problem solved.  But if she continues to fail to study, you can take her phone away.  The next part would be to say to her,  “I’ll be glad to let you use your phone again as soon as I don’t have to stress out about your grades”.

Using Positive Behavioral Approaches

While this approach works quite well, it’s also only half the equation.  It still involves negative consequences or punishments.  However, research shows that we change out behaviors best when we feel good about the behaviors we are doing.  This means rewarding positive behavior is going to get better results than punishing bad behavior.

When trying to address teenage behavior problems, then; try to teach your teenager what behaviors you are looking for, be specific, and reward them for doing them.  You can do this in several ways.

First, you can simply compliment them when you notice them doing something positive on their own.  Try to do this as close to the behavior occurring as possible for maximum effect.

Second, you can give them a task to do and them compliment them for doing it, compliment them for being cooperative if they did it without a fuss, and/or compliment them the results of what they did (i.e. “Look how nice the living room looks after you vacuumed?)

Using Compliments

Other things you can do to avoid teenager behavior problems is to let you teenager overhear you bragging about their positive behaviors to other people.  This can let them know you must really mean it if your talking about it to others when they are not around.

Don’t be deterred if you compliment your teenager and you get a reaction such as eye rolling from them.  Just pretend you didn’t notice it because it still does the intended job.  Just make sure your compliments are genuine.  For example, you wouldn’t compliment a teenager on being able to tie their shoes or dress themselves (although for some you might want to compliment them for choosing an appropriate outfit).

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Many of us try to start a new habit for New’s Year’s resolutions. We resolve to exercise more, eat right, lose weight, and so on. Right about now is when most people abandon them. I’m probably one of the only successful people who have kept their resolution for years. About 25 years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to never bother making a New Year’s Resolution again. I’m happy to say I’ve kept it ever since.

Why Wait Until the New Year?

For me, starting a new habit at the beginning of the year puts a lot of pressure on one day. After all, every day can be the start of a new year so why cram it into just day out of 365? There is some research that supports the idea that if you want to start a new habit, or behavior, you need a cue, or a prompt to do the behavior.

While I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore, that doesn’t mean I don’t set goals to have better habits. So for me, one of the more recent habits I’ve started is drinking more water. Overall, water is better for me than the fruit juice I often drink and has fewer calories. I did the math and realized switching from juice to water saves me somewhere between 400 to 600 calories a day. Also, if I drink water more regularly, I’m likely to snack less because I’m not as hungry throughout the day. So what does having a cue or prompt have to do with drinking water? I’ll tell you.

In order to drink more water, I had to create a prompt to drink it. The first thing I did was pick up a clear glass pitcher, fill it with water, and put it in the refrigerator on the top shelf. Every time I open to fridge to get a drink of juice (because I’m thirsty), there’s the water staring me right in the face to remind me to drink it instead of the juice. However, I noticed I was still going too long without drinking water. Being dehydrated tends to make me lethargic, so I wanted to create a prompt to drink water more often.

My solution was simple. I started putting an empty glass on the kitchen counter where I have to look at it every time I walk into the kitchen. I see it and think, “what is that glass sitting there for?”. Then it dawns on me, “oh yeah, I’m trying to drink more water”. So I fill the glass and drink it down.

Here’s Another Idea

I do something similar with laundry. I want to start a new habit where I actually put my laundry away before it gets wrinkled. So, I started putting the laundry basket with the clean clothes on my bed. I made a game of sorts where every time I walk into the bedroom I have to put at least one thing away or hang it up. Once I grab one item I’m more than likely going to take care of two or three items. It’s not long before all the laundry is put away where it belongs.

In my Grand Rapids based counseling practice, I not only help you figure out what changes you want to make, I also help you figure out steps to make it happen. My primary focus is using Solution Focused Brief Therapy, but I like to supplement it with a behavioral approach. Teaching you how we adopt new behaviors and make them stick improves your chances of making lasting positive changes.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Scaling Questions to Help Think Small

One of the things we do in SFBT is use scaling questions.  We ask a client where they would rate their current progress from one to ten, with ten being the best.  Then we look at what you’re doing right that lets it be that number instead of a lower number.  Next we will look at what a half number higher will look like.  Sometimes I even ask for a smaller increase in the number, say one quarter higher because big changes start small.  What we’re asking clients to do is think about small but noticeable changes they can make. These changes should be really easy to perform and implement. 

Small Changes Are Easier to Keep Going

Making one small change not only makes a difference, it’s also easy to keep doing.  This is what behaviorism has taught me.  Changes have to be small and easy for us to keep them going.  When the changes are too big, you can do it for a short time, but soon get burned out by taking on too much at once.

Behaviorists sometimes talk about one percent changes.  They recommend looking for ways to start with 1% improvement of the behavior at first.  If you improve by 1% every week, then in two months you’ve improved by 8%.  In a year, you’ve improved by 52%.  This is good improvement compared to changing by, say, 50% in a week, and then quitting whatever you’re trying to improve because you burned yourself out.  

So when I use the scale, I ask you to talk about what a 1 or 2% change in behavior will look like for you.  I want you to start small on purpose so you have success but aren’t overwhelmed by trying to do too much too soon.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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