At the end of the day, when everything goes quiet, a simple question arises: Was today meaningful? Not just busy or productive—but meaningful. For men struggling to find direction, this question can be a wake-up call. One of the most powerful ways to start living intentionally is to reflect on your actions from the perspective of looking back on your day. Below, I’ll discuss one of the daily habits to live a meaningful life.

Imagine it’s 10 p.m. You’re reflecting. What would you wish you had done differently?

This isn’t abstract philosophy—it’s a practical approach rooted in psychology and behavioral science. It aligns with Viktor Frankl’s ideas about finding meaning and James Clear’s insights on identity-based habits in Atomic Habits. By focusing on daily habits to live a meaningful life, men can begin to close the gap between intention and action, and reduce feelings of aimlessness or regret.

Why Reflecting on Your Day Helps You Live Meaningfully

Viktor Frankl emphasized that life’s primary drive is the search for meaning. He argued that we don’t ask what we expect from life—life asks what it expects from us. Each day presents small opportunities to answer that question through our actions.

By mentally fast-forwarding to the end of your day, you engage in what psychologists call counterfactual thinking: imagining alternative outcomes. Research shows that people regret what they didn’t do more than what they did. Avoidance, hesitation, and distraction are often the real sources of regret.

So when you ask in the morning—or even midday, What will I regret not doing today?—you begin to prioritize differently. Suddenly:

• Scrolling through your phone feels less appealing
• Avoiding difficult conversations feels heavier
• Delaying meaningful work or growth feels costly

This simple reflection helps men align their daily habits to their values—without creating unnecessary pressure.

Identity and Daily Habits: Insights from Atomic Habits

James Clear’s Atomic Habits teaches that lasting change comes from focusing on identity, not just goals. Instead of asking, What do I want to achieve? consider, Who do I want to become?

For men seeking direction, this approach is vital. At night, regret often sounds like:

• “I didn’t act like the man I want to be.”
• “I avoided what truly mattered.”
• “I chose comfort over growth.”

These feelings signal a mismatch between identity and actions. Aligning your daily habits to your desired identity is the foundation of a meaningful life.

Practical examples:

• If your identity is “a caring partner,” did you show up emotionally?
• If your identity is “a focused professional,” did you protect your time?
• If your identity is “someone who grows,” did you lean into discomfort?

By consistently practicing daily habits to live a meaningful life, men can reduce regret and feel more purposeful.

How Regret Can Guide Your Daily Choices

Regret isn’t just a negative feeling—it’s feedback. It highlights the gap between your values and your behavior. Often, reflection reveals one of three areas needing attention:

1. Avoidance – Not doing something you knew mattered
2. Disconnection – Not being present with people or experiences
3. Inauthenticity – Acting against your values or identity

Frankl emphasized that meaning can be found through work, relationships, and attitude. Regret signals which area might be neglected. By analyzing these moments, men can use regret as a roadmap to build more intentional daily habits.

A Simple Daily Practice for Men Seeking Direction

To start applying daily habits to live a meaningful life:

Morning (2 minutes):
Ask yourself: At the end of today, what would I regret not doing?
Choose 1–3 meaningful actions for the day.

Evening (5 minutes):
Reflect: Did I act like the person I want to become?
Identify areas of avoidance, disconnection, or misalignment with your values.

This isn’t about perfection—it’s about awareness, growth, and gradually aligning habits with identity.

Take Action Today, Look Back Without Regret

You don’t build a meaningful life in one grand decision. You build it through consistent daily habits. Frankl reminds us that we retain freedom to choose our responses, even under challenging circumstances. Clear shows that these small, intentional actions compound into identity.

For men seeking direction, focusing on daily habits to live a meaningful life can be transformative. When you reflect at the end of each day, ask yourself: When I look back tonight, what will matter? Then take action in a way that makes your answer clear and satisfying.

Gary Watson is a therapist for men and women in the Grand Rapids, Michigan and surrounding areas. He uses solution focused therapy to help those who want to take an active approach to solving problems, improving themselves, and their situation. Men and women who want a practical and forward (not backward) approach to counseling will appreciate Gary’s approach to counseling.

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I listened to a podcast this morning about being needed. It described how people who don’t feel useful often get depressed. This can even lead to suicide or early death for some.  For example, when men retire and don’t have enough to do, they often lose their sense of purpose. Their health sometimes suffers as a result.  For some people, if they don’t feel they matter to someone, they wonder “would anyone even notice if I wasn’t around anymore?”.  

Where Else Does It Apply?

I had a conversation with a highschool coach about handling kids that would normally sit the bench during most games.  My opinion is it’s better to cut a player than put them on the team and not let them play in games.  I’ve seen kids lose their passion for the game when this happens faster than if they were cut.  He agreed. When he coaches, he looks at what each kid is skilled at, even if small compared to other players. This coach finds a way to bring out that skill in players and consider when he’s going to need it during a game.  He would make a point to help the player develop their particular skill and  put them in when it was needed.  This helps the player  have a sense of purpose.  And  it helps the team overall.  It also helps build team cohesion.

Need for Purpose and Parenting

All this made me wonder if parents could do the same thing with kids.  What if we make each kid aware they serve a useful purpose within the family so they feel needed.  This could  be something like certain chores, taking care of pets, babysitting, running errands, and so on.

Gary Watson provides Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He counsels couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Success leads to more success. When possible, focus on what you’re doing right, and less on what you’re doing wrong. Focusing on your successes builds your confidence to keep going and keep trying. Focusing on your failures will demotivate you and may even lead to depression. But of course, be realistic; be honest.

An Example of Looking for Success

I was talking to a client today in my Ada counseling office about his recent dating life. He had some bad luck with the women he dated over the past year. However, he recently worked up the courage to start a conversation with a girl. Fortunately, it went well and they plan to see each other again. Since he is on an upswing, I decided to ask him to focus on what he’s doing right lately that lead to his current success. He listed several things he is doing right including trying to improve on his job, being more social, trying new hobbies, and giving himself credit for taking reasonable risks. Talking about his successes lead to him realizing more things he has done right recently and he listed those as well. And, remembering more things made him feel more confident. I could see it in his posture.

Choose to Look for Your Successes, Not Your Failures

So, I mentioned to him that we always have a choice to make, focus on successes or on failures. I asked him how he could use this idea if the girl he talked to rejected him. He correctly asserted he could have given himself credit for being brave enough to talk to her rather than feeling like a loser.

The boy in the ad above might have been correct if he told himself he is not the best hitter in the world. Some would say that’s more honest. But changing it to being the best pitcher was also true in a sense. nd much more useful in maintaining his enthusiasm and willingness to keep going.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Raising a teenager can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. One of the common hurdles parents face is dealing with their teenager’s anger. Adolescence is a time of significant change and development, which can often result in intense emotions. Here are some effective strategies parents can use to help manage and understand their teenager’s anger.

1. Understand the Root Cause

Anger in teenagers often stems from various underlying issues such as stress, academic pressure, peer conflicts, or hormonal changes. It’s essential to understand that anger is a secondary emotion that usually masks deeper feelings like frustration, fear, or sadness. By identifying the root cause, parents can address the underlying issues more effectively.

2. Maintain Open Communication

Fostering an environment where open communication is encouraged can significantly help in managing a teenager’s anger. Encourage your teenager to express their feelings and listen actively without judgment. This not only helps in understanding their perspective but also builds trust. Use phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “Let’s talk about what’s bothering you” to show empathy and support.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

While it’s important to be understanding, setting clear and consistent boundaries is equally crucial. Teenagers need to know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Establishing rules and consequences for unacceptable behavior helps in maintaining discipline and reduces the likelihood of angry outbursts. Ensure that the consequences are fair and consistent to reinforce these boundaries.

4. Model Appropriate Behavior

Teenagers often learn by observing their parents. Modeling calm and constructive ways to deal with anger can be highly effective. If parents handle their own anger in a healthy manner, it sets a positive example for their teenagers. Demonstrating techniques like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or stepping away from a heated situation to cool down can teach teenagers how to manage their emotions better.

5. Encourage Healthy Outlets

Encouraging teenagers to engage in physical activities or hobbies can provide them with a healthy outlet for their emotions. Sports, music, art, or any other extracurricular activity can help channel their energy and reduce stress. Regular physical activity, in particular, is known to release endorphins which can improve mood and reduce feelings of anger.

6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Helping teenagers develop problem-solving skills can equip them to handle situations that trigger anger more effectively. Teach them to break down problems into smaller, manageable parts and brainstorm possible solutions. Encouraging them to think about the consequences of their actions and consider different perspectives can also promote better decision-making.

7. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If your teenager’s anger seems overwhelming or unmanageable, it might be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists or counselors can provide a safe space for teenagers to express their feelings and work through their issues. They can also offer valuable strategies and tools for managing anger and improving emotional regulation.

8. Practice Patience and Empathy

Dealing with an angry teenager requires a lot of patience and empathy. It’s important to stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively to their anger. Understand that adolescence is a tumultuous period, and your teenager might not always have the tools to express their emotions appropriately. Offering consistent support and understanding can make a significant difference in helping them navigate this challenging phase.

9. Focus on Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool in encouraging desired behaviors. Praise and acknowledge your teenager when they handle a situation calmly or manage their anger effectively. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the idea that positive behavior is noticed and appreciated.

10. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment

Lastly, creating a safe and supportive home environment is crucial. Ensure that your teenager feels valued and understood at home. A nurturing environment can significantly reduce feelings of anger and frustration, and promote overall emotional well-being.

In conclusion, dealing with a teenager’s anger can be challenging, but with the right strategies, parents can effectively manage and support their teenager through this tumultuous phase. Understanding the root cause, maintaining open communication, setting clear boundaries, and providing healthy outlets are key components in helping teenagers navigate their emotions and develop healthier ways to express their anger.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I recently came across a sign someone put in their yard that said, “KINDNESS ALWAYS”.  At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began pondering what the person who bought it might mean by it.  Then I considered what it means to me to “be kind”.

I suspect most people think “kindness always” should mean be nice to everyone and never do or say anything that hurts someone’s feelings.  Don’t judge people or their behavior, or at least don’t verbalize your judgements when they’re unflattering.  To me, this is problematic.  To be kind, sometimes you have to tell people the truth, even if it hurts their feelings temporarily.  We don’t grow and learn by being told we’re right all the time, or by people agreeing with every thought we have.  While it’s great to hear about times we’re right; we also need people to be honest when we’re wrong.  This allows us a more accurate assessment of ourselves and  allows us to make needed adjustments.

Kindness Also Means….

Kindness includes people caring enough about us to tell us the truth.  This could be, for example, someone telling us a shirt doesn’t look good on us, or telling us we’re behaving inappropriately. Being kind to others might mean being honest about whether we want to do something for someone.  For example, I have had several clients who were total people pleasers.  They ran themselves ragged at work because they didn’t want to say no to their co-workers or bosses. They didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or disappoint anyone.  I’ve seen people do this with their families too.  Parents run themselves ragged taking kids to too many activities rather than telling them they’ll have to choose one or two.  Spouses sometimes take on too much responsibility for household chores.  Sometimes teenagers have trouble approaching parents about things they feel are unfair.  They grin and bear it until they get overloaded and then either fall apart or have an oversized emotional reaction.

So sometimes being kind means saying “No”, or letting someone know we disagree.  It’s important to find ways to be honest with people you care about, and sometimes with those you don’t care so much about.  We have to be kind to ourselves too and sometimes this means standing up for what we believe rather than just going along to get along.  

How to Get Better at Saying NO

Practice the wording or phrasing for how you want to assert yourself.  You can disagree or say “No” while still showing kindness in the way you talk to people.  It might be as simple as saying, “Do you mind if I tell you what I’m thinking about that?”   I’ve noticed that telling people the thoughts you’re having about something rather than directly disagreeing with them makes it easier for me to voice my concerns and also makes it easier for them to hear it.  People seem more willing to hear your thoughts when you express it this way.  Start with something small that’s not such a big deal.  Try out your wording on something such as disagreeing over where to go for dinner.  Then try to judge whether your wording was effective in being honest and kind at the same time.  You’ll usually know by the way the other person responds.  Do they stop and listen to what you say and comment on it, or do they seem defensive?

Learning to be more comfortable disagreeing with people is a good tool to have at your disposal.  If done right, you can solve problems, get along better with people, and have more authentic relationships with others.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Putting in effort matters in your mental health. Whether you have anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, or something else. To feel good about yourself, about who you are, or where you are going, put in real effort.

I counsel people who are dissatisfied their jobs, social situation, relationships, or maybe their body or personalities. Quite often, people feel worthless but don’t actually do anything to make themselves more worthy. You can change these things for the better, but only with effort. Magical thinking doesn’t change it, telling yourself you’re a warrior, boss, alpha, etc. won’t turn you into one either. You have to start and actually do the work. The good news is there are some life hacks (behavioral hacks) to get help you start. You’d be surprised at how little effort it takes to become a better person. Notice I said become a better person, not think you’re a better person.

Tired of Being Anxious or Depressed?

If you’re tired of being anxious or depressed, boost your mental state just by getting up and doing something. You have to muster the effort to get out of the chair, off the couch, put your phone down, and start doing things that make a difference. Sometimes the smallest effort such as washing dishes, tidying up a room, or getting outside and going for a short walk is a great start to strengthening your mental health. If you do this, it’s probably a little more than you did yesterday. Start there and add something to it the next time, walk a little farther, clean a little more, read one more page of the book.

If you’re like me, you feel better on days you’re productive and getting things done than on days you “play” but don’t accomplish much. On days I don’t accomplish much, I go to bed thinking of the things I neglected to do. On the other hand, on days I get a lot done, I feel satisfied with myself and look forward to relaxing the next day because I’ve earned it.

Being Productive Improves Mental Health

I’ve seen this same effect with other people. I’ll use my son as an example. I make a point to have my son take on more responsibility around the house. Earlier this Spring I had him split some firewood for me. He went outside grumbling because it meant his video game was interrupted. It took him about 30 minutes to split the wood. When he walked back inside, he walked noticeably straighter and with more swagger. He put in the effort to do something hard and felt better for it afterward. More recently, I had him help me with some yard work. I gave him the more manly task of cutting down some saplings with a machete, which he did. Then on his own, he started pulling some bigger weeds in part of the front yard. When I told him he could take a break if he wanted, he declined. He said he was enjoying seeing the progress he was making. He felt good because he got stuff done and saw the progress.

If you want better mental health, try making improvements to yourself. There are no shortcuts. You have to expend effort. This can be mental or physical effort. It’s okay to start small and work your way up. First, figure out what you want to improve. Consider learning to do something new like play an instrument or learn to cook. I have clients who want to get in better shape so they are designing exercise regimens. The key though is to start really small with about one to three percent of where you want to end up.

Start Small for Better Results

For example, if you want to learn more by reading books, don’t try to read a whole book all at once. Start by reading one page a day and gradually add more pages per day. If you want to start exercising, you might need to start with two pushups in the morning before work or school, then gradually increase. And there are scientific reasons for doing this. I’ll explain below.

Pushing yourself to do too much too soon can burn you out quickly. You’re relying on sheer will power to do it and willpower doesn’t last. Doing too much too soon can lead to failing to reach a goal. This usually hurts your mental health. In addition, if you force yourself to do something like practice piano for too long at one sitting, your brain will register this as something unenjoyable and our brains don’t like to do things that we don’t enjoy. You can only force yourself for so long. We change best by enjoying the changes we make. This usually means starting small and slowly increasing the effort.

Even Things You Don’t Like

Even things we don’t like to do, such as homework, can be enjoyable for short periods of time (maybe only for 30 seconds). This is because we enjoy being productive more than enjoy the task itself. When you start the thing you want to get good at, start with small increments of it, and stop while it still feels good. Your brain registers this as a good thing that should be repeated. This makes it much easier to do again the next day. In essence, by doing the new thing and stopping while it still feels good, we develop a craving to do it some more, which means we’re looking forward to doing it at the next opportunity, rather than being glad the hard effort is over and dreading having to do it again.

There is a good book that explains this in detail called “Tiny Habits” by B.J. Fogg if you want more information and specific ideas.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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