Scaling Questions to Help Think Small

One of the things we do in SFBT is use scaling questions.  We ask a client where they would rate their current progress from one to ten, with ten being the best.  Then we look at what you’re doing right that lets it be that number instead of a lower number.  Next we will look at what a half number higher will look like.  Sometimes I even ask for a smaller increase in the number, say one quarter higher because big changes start small.  What we’re asking clients to do is think about small but noticeable changes they can make. These changes should be really easy to perform and implement. 

Small Changes Are Easier to Keep Going

Making one small change not only makes a difference, it’s also easy to keep doing.  This is what behaviorism has taught me.  Changes have to be small and easy for us to keep them going.  When the changes are too big, you can do it for a short time, but soon get burned out by taking on too much at once.

Behaviorists sometimes talk about one percent changes.  They recommend looking for ways to start with 1% improvement of the behavior at first.  If you improve by 1% every week, then in two months you’ve improved by 8%.  In a year, you’ve improved by 52%.  This is good improvement compared to changing by, say, 50% in a week, and then quitting whatever you’re trying to improve because you burned yourself out.  

So when I use the scale, I ask you to talk about what a 1 or 2% change in behavior will look like for you.  I want you to start small on purpose so you have success but aren’t overwhelmed by trying to do too much too soon.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Children and teenagers with social anxiety is a common occurrence.  It often shows up in early adolescence where kids have difficulty making friends, making connections and developing a satisfactory social life.  We generally describe these kids as shy but the problem can become more pervasive and problematic for many kids. Few things are more painful for parents than seeing their children be left out and struggling to make friends.

Kids and teenagers with social anxiety often feel quite lonely, isolated, and  sometimes ostracized.  This can in turn lead to depression and hopelessness because these kids often feel alone. This can make them feel like social “losers”.  Your teenager may want to make friends but suffer in silence as they struggle to find ways to do this.

What to Do:

Kids with social anxiety have a lot to offer but have trouble developing confidence and tools to engage with others.  These kids and teenagers often have great personalities with kindness, humor, and generosity as parts of their personalities.  We often describe these kids as kind, intelligent, loyal, and caring. However, their introverted personalities make it difficult to “put the mselves out there”.  They often have intense internal conflicts as they struggle to think of things to say to initiate interactions.  Then, they judge themselves harshly for not being able to think of anything. They may worry that peers are judging them harshly for their apparent social deficits.

Fortunately, counseling works wonders in helping kids learn to work within their strengths to develop self esteem and self confidence. It can help them learn to initiate basic interactions that make them more approachable to peers.

Solution Focused Counseling Can Help

Solution Focused counseling is a good fit for teenagers with social anxiety because it helps you find small ways to start interactions. And it keeps them within their comfort zones as they “stretch” themselves enough to begin the process.  

If you’d like to learn more about how solution focused counseling can help your child, contact me for a free consult.  

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post Children and Teenagers with Social Anxiety appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.