Healthy relationships require more than just love—they need respect, healthy boundaries, and mutual understanding. Sometimes, seemingly small behaviors, like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over a partner, may signal early signs of disrespect. If left unaddressed, these behaviors can erode trust, breed resentment, and harm a relationship over time. Here’s why these actions matter and how you can address them to keep your relationship healthy and respectful.

Why These Behaviors Are Harmful

1. Interrupting
   Interrupting a partner can communicate impatience, a lack of interest in their perspective, or even a desire to dominate the conversation. While occasional interruptions may happen unintentionally, a pattern of regularly cutting in can make a partner feel unheard or dismissed. When one partner constantly interrupts, it disrupts the flow of open communication, leading the other to feel undervalued and, over time, even silenced.
2. Publicly Correcting
   Publicly correcting a partner, especially in front of family, friends, or colleagues, can cause embarrassment and damage self-esteem. While some corrections may be harmless or done with good intentions, this behavior often feels patronizing. Public correction can quickly turn into a power move, signaling to others that one partner is “in charge” or feels superior. This kind of behavior can make the corrected partner feel humiliated and resentful, undermining the sense of equality essential for a healthy partnership.
3. Speaking Over
   Similar to interrupting, speaking over a partner demonstrates a lack of respect for their thoughts and opinions. When one person repeatedly talks over the other, it suggests that they believe their opinion is more important. This can lead to frustration, hurt, and a diminished sense of worth in the relationship. Speaking over a partner doesn’t just cut off their voice; it establishes a pattern where their perspective is consistently minimized, creating an unhealthy imbalance.

Long-Term Effects of Disrespectful Communication

Left unchecked, interrupting, publicly correcting, and speaking over a partner can have long-lasting negative effects on a relationship, including:

• Decreased Self-Esteem and Confidence: A partner who feels dismissed, corrected, or spoken over may begin to internalize these behaviors, leading to self-doubt.
• Growing Resentment: Being repeatedly disrespected can cause deep-seated resentment, which can eventually damage trust and closeness.
• Weakened Emotional Intimacy: Healthy communication is the backbone of emotional intimacy. Feeling heard and understood is essential for building trust, but these actions can create distance, leaving one partner feeling alienated or undervalued.

Addressing and Correcting Disrespectful Habits

The first step toward change is recognizing these behaviors as potential signs of disrespect. If you or your partner have noticed these tendencies, here are practical steps for fostering a more respectful dynamic:

1. Reflect on Your Actions and Intentions
   Self-awareness is key to making any change. Reflect on whether you frequently interrupt, publicly correct, or speak over your partner. Consider what drives these behaviors—are they rooted in impatience, a desire for control, or maybe just a habit? Being honest with yourself about the intentions behind these actions can help you understand how they affect your partner.
2. Practice Active Listening
   When one person speaks, the other should actively listen without thinking ahead or planning their response. Practicing active listening shows that you value your partner’s words and are present in the conversation. Simple behaviors like nodding, asking clarifying questions, and making eye contact communicate genuine interest and respect.
3. Establish Boundaries Around Communication
   Set ground rules with your partner around communication to create a more balanced environment. You could agree to avoid public corrections or establish a rule to let each person finish their thought without interruption. These boundaries help both partners feel safe and respected in the conversation.
4. Apologize When You Cross a Line
   Mistakes happen, and sometimes interruptions or corrections will slip out. When they do, acknowledging it can go a long way. Saying something like, “I realize I cut you off—please go ahead,” or “I didn’t mean to correct you in front of others. I’m sorry,” shows humility and a commitment to improving.
5. Create a Safe Space for Feedback
   Encourage open dialogue about each other’s communication needs. Let your partner know they can express their feelings if they feel disrespected, and be open to their feedback. This practice of regularly checking in ensures both partners feel heard and respected.

Building a Respectful Relationship

Every relationship experiences missteps, but how these are addressed makes a difference. Correcting patterns like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over each other may seem small, but they are essential steps toward a more balanced, respectful partnership. Healthy communication fosters trust, strengthens personal boundaries, and maintains an environment where each partner feels valued. By actively working to replace these habits with mindful listening, empathy, and respect, couples can establish a foundation that promotes both individual and relational growth.

In the end, respect is built through small, daily actions. By taking steps to be more mindful, you can create a relationship where both partners feel secure, appreciated, and truly heard.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Raising a teenager can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. One of the common hurdles parents face is dealing with their teenager’s anger. Adolescence is a time of significant change and development, which can often result in intense emotions. Here are some effective strategies parents can use to help manage and understand their teenager’s anger.

1. Understand the Root Cause

Anger in teenagers often stems from various underlying issues such as stress, academic pressure, peer conflicts, or hormonal changes. It’s essential to understand that anger is a secondary emotion that usually masks deeper feelings like frustration, fear, or sadness. By identifying the root cause, parents can address the underlying issues more effectively.

2. Maintain Open Communication

Fostering an environment where open communication is encouraged can significantly help in managing a teenager’s anger. Encourage your teenager to express their feelings and listen actively without judgment. This not only helps in understanding their perspective but also builds trust. Use phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “Let’s talk about what’s bothering you” to show empathy and support.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

While it’s important to be understanding, setting clear and consistent boundaries is equally crucial. Teenagers need to know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Establishing rules and consequences for unacceptable behavior helps in maintaining discipline and reduces the likelihood of angry outbursts. Ensure that the consequences are fair and consistent to reinforce these boundaries.

4. Model Appropriate Behavior

Teenagers often learn by observing their parents. Modeling calm and constructive ways to deal with anger can be highly effective. If parents handle their own anger in a healthy manner, it sets a positive example for their teenagers. Demonstrating techniques like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or stepping away from a heated situation to cool down can teach teenagers how to manage their emotions better.

5. Encourage Healthy Outlets

Encouraging teenagers to engage in physical activities or hobbies can provide them with a healthy outlet for their emotions. Sports, music, art, or any other extracurricular activity can help channel their energy and reduce stress. Regular physical activity, in particular, is known to release endorphins which can improve mood and reduce feelings of anger.

6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Helping teenagers develop problem-solving skills can equip them to handle situations that trigger anger more effectively. Teach them to break down problems into smaller, manageable parts and brainstorm possible solutions. Encouraging them to think about the consequences of their actions and consider different perspectives can also promote better decision-making.

7. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If your teenager’s anger seems overwhelming or unmanageable, it might be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists or counselors can provide a safe space for teenagers to express their feelings and work through their issues. They can also offer valuable strategies and tools for managing anger and improving emotional regulation.

8. Practice Patience and Empathy

Dealing with an angry teenager requires a lot of patience and empathy. It’s important to stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively to their anger. Understand that adolescence is a tumultuous period, and your teenager might not always have the tools to express their emotions appropriately. Offering consistent support and understanding can make a significant difference in helping them navigate this challenging phase.

9. Focus on Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool in encouraging desired behaviors. Praise and acknowledge your teenager when they handle a situation calmly or manage their anger effectively. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the idea that positive behavior is noticed and appreciated.

10. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment

Lastly, creating a safe and supportive home environment is crucial. Ensure that your teenager feels valued and understood at home. A nurturing environment can significantly reduce feelings of anger and frustration, and promote overall emotional well-being.

In conclusion, dealing with a teenager’s anger can be challenging, but with the right strategies, parents can effectively manage and support their teenager through this tumultuous phase. Understanding the root cause, maintaining open communication, setting clear boundaries, and providing healthy outlets are key components in helping teenagers navigate their emotions and develop healthier ways to express their anger.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I recently came across a sign someone put in their yard that said, “KINDNESS ALWAYS”.  At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began pondering what the person who bought it might mean by it.  Then I considered what it means to me to “be kind”.

I suspect most people think “kindness always” should mean be nice to everyone and never do or say anything that hurts someone’s feelings.  Don’t judge people or their behavior, or at least don’t verbalize your judgements when they’re unflattering.  To me, this is problematic.  To be kind, sometimes you have to tell people the truth, even if it hurts their feelings temporarily.  We don’t grow and learn by being told we’re right all the time, or by people agreeing with every thought we have.  While it’s great to hear about times we’re right; we also need people to be honest when we’re wrong.  This allows us a more accurate assessment of ourselves and  allows us to make needed adjustments.

Kindness Also Means….

Kindness includes people caring enough about us to tell us the truth.  This could be, for example, someone telling us a shirt doesn’t look good on us, or telling us we’re behaving inappropriately. Being kind to others might mean being honest about whether we want to do something for someone.  For example, I have had several clients who were total people pleasers.  They ran themselves ragged at work because they didn’t want to say no to their co-workers or bosses. They didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or disappoint anyone.  I’ve seen people do this with their families too.  Parents run themselves ragged taking kids to too many activities rather than telling them they’ll have to choose one or two.  Spouses sometimes take on too much responsibility for household chores.  Sometimes teenagers have trouble approaching parents about things they feel are unfair.  They grin and bear it until they get overloaded and then either fall apart or have an oversized emotional reaction.

So sometimes being kind means saying “No”, or letting someone know we disagree.  It’s important to find ways to be honest with people you care about, and sometimes with those you don’t care so much about.  We have to be kind to ourselves too and sometimes this means standing up for what we believe rather than just going along to get along.  

How to Get Better at Saying NO

Practice the wording or phrasing for how you want to assert yourself.  You can disagree or say “No” while still showing kindness in the way you talk to people.  It might be as simple as saying, “Do you mind if I tell you what I’m thinking about that?”   I’ve noticed that telling people the thoughts you’re having about something rather than directly disagreeing with them makes it easier for me to voice my concerns and also makes it easier for them to hear it.  People seem more willing to hear your thoughts when you express it this way.  Start with something small that’s not such a big deal.  Try out your wording on something such as disagreeing over where to go for dinner.  Then try to judge whether your wording was effective in being honest and kind at the same time.  You’ll usually know by the way the other person responds.  Do they stop and listen to what you say and comment on it, or do they seem defensive?

Learning to be more comfortable disagreeing with people is a good tool to have at your disposal.  If done right, you can solve problems, get along better with people, and have more authentic relationships with others.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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But when it’s with our spouse, there’s a tendency to think, “I have to live with this person so I’m not going to tolerate behavior I don’t like”.  We tend to get demanding, overly critical, or demeaning to people we live with and then wonder why we don’t have good relationships.

I sometimes watch couples interrupt each other, speak harshly to each other, bring up the distant past, and fail to say anything positive to each other, yet tell me their coworkers, and customers love them.  Obviously, they are doing something different at work that they don’t do at home.

This isn’t a new idea.  It’s been said in the past that we tend to treat strangers better than our own families and friends.  So what if you made the attempt to treat your spouse like a coworker that you need to find a way to get along with because your livelihood depends on it.  Perhaps it will give you insight into things you could do differently, or things you really need to stop doing.

What if you conducted yourself as if your spouse was a coworker and your boss was present.  It might not change anything, then again, it might.  

Something else that has helped me get along with coworkers in the past is finding out what they’re passionate about.  I was able to shift their bad mood by engaging them in conversations about things they were interested in.  I recall one coworker who seemed constantly irritated by her work responsibilities.  This made it harder to talk to her about upcoming projects, especially when I was making a request that was going to change her schedule or inconvenience her in some way. I then learned that she and her husband collected vintage toys as a hobby.  If I brought this up during lunch and got her talking about her interests, I could watch her mood shift for the better, which made later discussions about work much more pleasant for both of us.

Along these lines, when is the last time you engaged in a pleasant conversation with your spouse about something they are interested in?  When’s the last time you gave them a sincere compliment.  Making a point to do these things more frequently than asking them to do something for you helps a lot.  Think of it as a bank account,  you want to put more in than you are taking out so your balance stays healthy.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Top 4 Things That Bug Women about Men

1. Stop letting her make all the decisions.  One complaint I often hear from wives is that their husbands start relying on them to make day to day decisions.  For example,  “where do you want to go for dinner?”  Husband:  “Wherever you want to go is fine with me.”  This means she has to make the decision.  It may seem like a small thing, but wives make decisions all day long and appreciate not having to make so many decisions.

2. Taking her for granted.  While many husbands appreciate all the things their wives do for them, sometimes they forget to show it. One thing I ask at the beginning of marriage counseling is ask each spouse what they like about other person.  Not just practical things, but personal things like specific things about her personality that they like. 

Both men and women are often “all ears” when their spouse starts listing things they value about them. It’s often the first time they’ve heard these compliments in a long time.  There are valid reasons why we do this, but many women have commented it’s nice to hear it.  Quite often, they aren’t sure if they are still a priority for their husbands or not. 

3.  Letting her do all the family obligations.  Wives are usually the first person who gets calls from school and they make all the appointments for the kids.  They take them to doctor and dentist appointments, pick them up from school if they’re sick, and go to parent teacher conferences.  Many wives I talk to would like their husbands to take the initiative on things like this.  This includes planning vacations or time with relatives such as at holidays.  Your wife may want to continue doing these things because they often are more organized than husbands.  If this is the case, see if there is something else you can take off her plate to show your gratitude.

4.  Not paying attention to her world.  Many times wives tell husbands about things that husbands promptly forget about.  It can be annoying for her to remind you about something you agreed to a few days after discussing it with you and you tell her you don’t remember talking about it before.  It makes her feel like you don’t listen. Not paying attention suggests you don’t care.  If she asks to talk about something, make a point to turn off the TV or put your phone away and give her your full attention. 

Write things down if you agree to do something and don’t rely on her to remind you about it.  If you don’t have the ability to give her your full attention at a time when she asks to talk to you, make a point of telling her you are in the middle of something and that you will get back to her shortly, when you are able to give your full attention.  Then make a point of seeking her out at a designated time.  But don’t wait too long.

These are just a few things that bug women about men that I have uncovered.  Your wife may have different concerns, but it’s important to try to meet her part way and share the load.

There is also a useful tool from the book, “The Five Love Languages” that can help you both learn about your own love languages.  The author asserts that there are five different ways we like to give and receive love.  Knowing your own and your spouse’s love language can help you learn the best ways to show love and appreciation for your spouse.  You can look up the Love language quiz and take it online.  This also makes for good dinner conversation.  

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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When I see this happen in marriage counseling, the two people quickly reach the point of not even trying to understand eachother.  Once you’re at this point, you can forget about reaching any resolution to your problem.

Try to set feelings aside and understand what they are saying, even if you don’t agree with it. For example, I really don’t like RAP music but if I listen to someone explain why they like it, their reasons will probably make sense to me.  I’m not going to start listening to RAP, but I could better understand why some people do.  

To do this, you have to really focus on what they’re saying first, before worrying about making your counter argument.  If you do this, you’ll stop listening and frustrate the other person.

When people aren’t feeling heard or understood, they get frustrated and angry.  This is when the yelling and hurtful comments can start.  Once they are done talking, you can even say you want to paraphrase it back to them.  You can say something like, “Let me repeat that back to you to make sure I got that right.  You said …. Did I understand you right?”. Try not to sound like a therapist when you do this though or you’ll just annoy them.  If you got everything right, they’ll let you know.  If you missed something, they’ll add that in.

Once you do this, they’ll be much more inclined to listen to you in return.  Now you should be at the point of having a conversation instead of an argument. This is a healthier form of communication.

Sometimes it’s best to take some time to think about what they said before you respond.  You can just say something like, “You may have a point, let me think about that for a bit and get back to you.  Can we talk about it some more tonight?”

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I was meeting with a couple today for marriage counseling and they told me a story that I thought had an amazingly good strategy. They gave me permission to share this idea in my blogpost (of course I won’t be giving identifying information as to protect their privacy).

A Common Communication Problem

In this situation, as with many couples, the wife usually does the planning for special occasions. Most of the time she doesn’t mind but sometimes she feels taken for granted and would like him to plan for things. So last week, she asked him if he would plan a date for the weekend and he agreed. Knowing him the way she does, about Wednesday she started wondering if he had forgotten because he hadn’t said anything about plans.

Stopping to Think Before You Act

She started feeling angry thinking to herself that, yet again, he had forgotten. This made her feel he didn’t care that much. Her love language is “Tokens of Affection” for those who follow “The Five Love Languages” book by Gary Chapman. So having him thinking about a date and taking time to plan things meant a lot to her. She was thinking about not saying anything to remind him about his promise. This would sort of be setting a trap for him on Friday when he had to admit he had forgotten. Fortunately for them both, she had a better idea.

The Solution:

Instead of letting it go until it was too late, she decided to take this approach. She sent him a text saying that she was looking forward to the date he was planning for the weekend. He responded by admitting he had forgotten, but her gentle but insistent reminder prompted him to take time to plan a really enjoyable date.

She decided not to give in to her initial response that would allow her to basically say “I told you so” and rub his forgetfulness in his face. She realized that response wouldn’t help the relationship. Instead she reminded him in a way that allowed him to save face and follow through with his promise, which was a better turnout for both of them.

Communication in marriage takes a lot of work, patience, and a desire to keep negative things from intruding on the relationship. This couple showed an excellent example of effective communication in marriage that works. As a result, they had a great weekend which could have turned out very differently if the wife had went along with her initial impulses.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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About 99% of couples answer this question with simple things such as, “He would wake up and say “good morning”. Or “she would hug me when she wakes up”.

Small Things Make a Big Difference

Asked whether these changes make a big difference or a small difference, almost everyone says these make a big difference. Imagine what you can do for your relationship by starting your day with such a small but meaningful gesture. I had one woman say that she would love it if her husband would seem as happy to see her after work as he is to see the dog. Imagine just coming in the door when you get home and greeting your spouse with a smile, a greeting, and some genuine affection.

The questions a therapist asks in marriage counseling are helpful in reminding you of things that will make your spouse feel special and appreciated. The counselor asks these questions to slow things down so your spouse can really listen to you.

Get Started on Fixing Your Marriage

If you’ve been worried about your relationship, marriage counseling may be right for you. Most couples start seeing positive changes right away. For more information about Gary Watson or Solution Focused Counseling, contact Gary at 616-914-9874. Or, go to his website at gary@turnaboutcounseling.com.

Gary Watson is a solution-focused therapist who provides counseling for teens, relationships, and individuals in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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Things Get Off Track

One possible explanation for this is that when we have kids, life gets busy and we tend to forget about doing those small things we used to do.  The communication changes too.  When you were first dating or first got married you probably made a point to call your spouse just to say hi and let them know you were thinking about them.  Later on, your phone calls may consist of “Don’t forget to pick up milk on your way home from work”. We get busy and forget to let our spouse know the things we appreciate about them but we don’t forget to tell them the things that annoy us.  

This can leave our spouse feeling like we don’t appreciate them or value them.  Then we notice that they don’t seem very affectionate with us anymore.  Our sex lives suffer as a result.  Most people aren’t very interested in sex with someone who doesn’t make us feel valued and desired.  

Getting Back on Track

When this comes up in solution focused marriage counseling sessions, one of the first things I do is ask each of you what it is you like about the other person.  I also go into how you first met and what first attracted you to each other.  We talk about what you used to do in the beginning of your relationship to let your spouse know you were attracted to them and found them worthwhile. 

Being reminded of the things you found attractive in your spouse is a first step to rebuilding your relationship.  Being reminded of the small little things you used to do for your relationship helps you remember simple things you can do to get things back on track.

If you have a relationship that has gotten off track, solution focused marriage counseling can help.  Solution Focused Counseling focuses on the things you’re doing right that you can do more often. It also helps you and your spouse identify small do-able things you can start doing right away that will help you as well.

Gary Watson is a Grand Rapids based marriage therapist. He specializes in helping couples rebuild relationships by helping you do the things that are most helpful in your relationship.  After all, you were doing things right in the beginning or you wouldn’t have gotten married, right?

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In my experience providing marriage counseling to various couples, the shutting down often comes from the viewpoint that “You never notice anything I do for you but you sure make a point to let me know every time I make a mistake”. Its often the case that you neglect to tell your spouse what you appreciate about them, but when something bothers you, you might feel it has to be addressed. As a result, you tend to talk about the negatives while not acknowledging the positives enough. Not many of us are good at taking constructive criticism. It needs to be preceded by acknowledgment of our good deeds. To be able to have a successful argument or disagreement with a loved one, you need to let them know they are doing more things right than wrong.

A better Way to Give Constructive Criticism

Research suggests you should aim for a ratio of six “good job!”s for every “What did you do that for?”. In other words, it only takes one moment of criticizing someone to cancel out five compliments. So in order to have the best effect, aim for a ratio of 6 to 1 or higher.

Aother benefit is that when your spouse feel sappreciated, they may do things you want without it becoming a conflict in the first place. Compliments should also be given on a regular basis, not given all at once right before a criticism. For example, “Hey, you did a great job on this thing here, but….”

When you give constructive criticism, try couching it in a more useful way to make it more palatable. You might start with, “I know you’ve been really busy lately, but….”, or “I know you have a good reason for (fill in the blank), but would you mind…..”

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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