Healthy relationships require more than just love—they need respect, healthy boundaries, and mutual understanding. Sometimes, seemingly small behaviors, like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over a partner, may signal early signs of disrespect. If left unaddressed, these behaviors can erode trust, breed resentment, and harm a relationship over time. Here’s why these actions matter and how you can address them to keep your relationship healthy and respectful.

Why These Behaviors Are Harmful

1. Interrupting
   Interrupting a partner can communicate impatience, a lack of interest in their perspective, or even a desire to dominate the conversation. While occasional interruptions may happen unintentionally, a pattern of regularly cutting in can make a partner feel unheard or dismissed. When one partner constantly interrupts, it disrupts the flow of open communication, leading the other to feel undervalued and, over time, even silenced.
2. Publicly Correcting
   Publicly correcting a partner, especially in front of family, friends, or colleagues, can cause embarrassment and damage self-esteem. While some corrections may be harmless or done with good intentions, this behavior often feels patronizing. Public correction can quickly turn into a power move, signaling to others that one partner is “in charge” or feels superior. This kind of behavior can make the corrected partner feel humiliated and resentful, undermining the sense of equality essential for a healthy partnership.
3. Speaking Over
   Similar to interrupting, speaking over a partner demonstrates a lack of respect for their thoughts and opinions. When one person repeatedly talks over the other, it suggests that they believe their opinion is more important. This can lead to frustration, hurt, and a diminished sense of worth in the relationship. Speaking over a partner doesn’t just cut off their voice; it establishes a pattern where their perspective is consistently minimized, creating an unhealthy imbalance.

Long-Term Effects of Disrespectful Communication

Left unchecked, interrupting, publicly correcting, and speaking over a partner can have long-lasting negative effects on a relationship, including:

• Decreased Self-Esteem and Confidence: A partner who feels dismissed, corrected, or spoken over may begin to internalize these behaviors, leading to self-doubt.
• Growing Resentment: Being repeatedly disrespected can cause deep-seated resentment, which can eventually damage trust and closeness.
• Weakened Emotional Intimacy: Healthy communication is the backbone of emotional intimacy. Feeling heard and understood is essential for building trust, but these actions can create distance, leaving one partner feeling alienated or undervalued.

Addressing and Correcting Disrespectful Habits

The first step toward change is recognizing these behaviors as potential signs of disrespect. If you or your partner have noticed these tendencies, here are practical steps for fostering a more respectful dynamic:

1. Reflect on Your Actions and Intentions
   Self-awareness is key to making any change. Reflect on whether you frequently interrupt, publicly correct, or speak over your partner. Consider what drives these behaviors—are they rooted in impatience, a desire for control, or maybe just a habit? Being honest with yourself about the intentions behind these actions can help you understand how they affect your partner.
2. Practice Active Listening
   When one person speaks, the other should actively listen without thinking ahead or planning their response. Practicing active listening shows that you value your partner’s words and are present in the conversation. Simple behaviors like nodding, asking clarifying questions, and making eye contact communicate genuine interest and respect.
3. Establish Boundaries Around Communication
   Set ground rules with your partner around communication to create a more balanced environment. You could agree to avoid public corrections or establish a rule to let each person finish their thought without interruption. These boundaries help both partners feel safe and respected in the conversation.
4. Apologize When You Cross a Line
   Mistakes happen, and sometimes interruptions or corrections will slip out. When they do, acknowledging it can go a long way. Saying something like, “I realize I cut you off—please go ahead,” or “I didn’t mean to correct you in front of others. I’m sorry,” shows humility and a commitment to improving.
5. Create a Safe Space for Feedback
   Encourage open dialogue about each other’s communication needs. Let your partner know they can express their feelings if they feel disrespected, and be open to their feedback. This practice of regularly checking in ensures both partners feel heard and respected.

Building a Respectful Relationship

Every relationship experiences missteps, but how these are addressed makes a difference. Correcting patterns like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over each other may seem small, but they are essential steps toward a more balanced, respectful partnership. Healthy communication fosters trust, strengthens personal boundaries, and maintains an environment where each partner feels valued. By actively working to replace these habits with mindful listening, empathy, and respect, couples can establish a foundation that promotes both individual and relational growth.

In the end, respect is built through small, daily actions. By taking steps to be more mindful, you can create a relationship where both partners feel secure, appreciated, and truly heard.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I recently came across a sign someone put in their yard that said, “KINDNESS ALWAYS”.  At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I began pondering what the person who bought it might mean by it.  Then I considered what it means to me to “be kind”.

I suspect most people think “kindness always” should mean be nice to everyone and never do or say anything that hurts someone’s feelings.  Don’t judge people or their behavior, or at least don’t verbalize your judgements when they’re unflattering.  To me, this is problematic.  To be kind, sometimes you have to tell people the truth, even if it hurts their feelings temporarily.  We don’t grow and learn by being told we’re right all the time, or by people agreeing with every thought we have.  While it’s great to hear about times we’re right; we also need people to be honest when we’re wrong.  This allows us a more accurate assessment of ourselves and  allows us to make needed adjustments.

Kindness Also Means….

Kindness includes people caring enough about us to tell us the truth.  This could be, for example, someone telling us a shirt doesn’t look good on us, or telling us we’re behaving inappropriately. Being kind to others might mean being honest about whether we want to do something for someone.  For example, I have had several clients who were total people pleasers.  They ran themselves ragged at work because they didn’t want to say no to their co-workers or bosses. They didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or disappoint anyone.  I’ve seen people do this with their families too.  Parents run themselves ragged taking kids to too many activities rather than telling them they’ll have to choose one or two.  Spouses sometimes take on too much responsibility for household chores.  Sometimes teenagers have trouble approaching parents about things they feel are unfair.  They grin and bear it until they get overloaded and then either fall apart or have an oversized emotional reaction.

So sometimes being kind means saying “No”, or letting someone know we disagree.  It’s important to find ways to be honest with people you care about, and sometimes with those you don’t care so much about.  We have to be kind to ourselves too and sometimes this means standing up for what we believe rather than just going along to get along.  

How to Get Better at Saying NO

Practice the wording or phrasing for how you want to assert yourself.  You can disagree or say “No” while still showing kindness in the way you talk to people.  It might be as simple as saying, “Do you mind if I tell you what I’m thinking about that?”   I’ve noticed that telling people the thoughts you’re having about something rather than directly disagreeing with them makes it easier for me to voice my concerns and also makes it easier for them to hear it.  People seem more willing to hear your thoughts when you express it this way.  Start with something small that’s not such a big deal.  Try out your wording on something such as disagreeing over where to go for dinner.  Then try to judge whether your wording was effective in being honest and kind at the same time.  You’ll usually know by the way the other person responds.  Do they stop and listen to what you say and comment on it, or do they seem defensive?

Learning to be more comfortable disagreeing with people is a good tool to have at your disposal.  If done right, you can solve problems, get along better with people, and have more authentic relationships with others.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Top 4 Things That Bug Women about Men

1. Stop letting her make all the decisions.  One complaint I often hear from wives is that their husbands start relying on them to make day to day decisions.  For example,  “where do you want to go for dinner?”  Husband:  “Wherever you want to go is fine with me.”  This means she has to make the decision.  It may seem like a small thing, but wives make decisions all day long and appreciate not having to make so many decisions.

2. Taking her for granted.  While many husbands appreciate all the things their wives do for them, sometimes they forget to show it. One thing I ask at the beginning of marriage counseling is ask each spouse what they like about other person.  Not just practical things, but personal things like specific things about her personality that they like. 

Both men and women are often “all ears” when their spouse starts listing things they value about them. It’s often the first time they’ve heard these compliments in a long time.  There are valid reasons why we do this, but many women have commented it’s nice to hear it.  Quite often, they aren’t sure if they are still a priority for their husbands or not. 

3.  Letting her do all the family obligations.  Wives are usually the first person who gets calls from school and they make all the appointments for the kids.  They take them to doctor and dentist appointments, pick them up from school if they’re sick, and go to parent teacher conferences.  Many wives I talk to would like their husbands to take the initiative on things like this.  This includes planning vacations or time with relatives such as at holidays.  Your wife may want to continue doing these things because they often are more organized than husbands.  If this is the case, see if there is something else you can take off her plate to show your gratitude.

4.  Not paying attention to her world.  Many times wives tell husbands about things that husbands promptly forget about.  It can be annoying for her to remind you about something you agreed to a few days after discussing it with you and you tell her you don’t remember talking about it before.  It makes her feel like you don’t listen. Not paying attention suggests you don’t care.  If she asks to talk about something, make a point to turn off the TV or put your phone away and give her your full attention. 

Write things down if you agree to do something and don’t rely on her to remind you about it.  If you don’t have the ability to give her your full attention at a time when she asks to talk to you, make a point of telling her you are in the middle of something and that you will get back to her shortly, when you are able to give your full attention.  Then make a point of seeking her out at a designated time.  But don’t wait too long.

These are just a few things that bug women about men that I have uncovered.  Your wife may have different concerns, but it’s important to try to meet her part way and share the load.

There is also a useful tool from the book, “The Five Love Languages” that can help you both learn about your own love languages.  The author asserts that there are five different ways we like to give and receive love.  Knowing your own and your spouse’s love language can help you learn the best ways to show love and appreciation for your spouse.  You can look up the Love language quiz and take it online.  This also makes for good dinner conversation.  

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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When I see this happen in marriage counseling, the two people quickly reach the point of not even trying to understand eachother.  Once you’re at this point, you can forget about reaching any resolution to your problem.

Try to set feelings aside and understand what they are saying, even if you don’t agree with it. For example, I really don’t like RAP music but if I listen to someone explain why they like it, their reasons will probably make sense to me.  I’m not going to start listening to RAP, but I could better understand why some people do.  

To do this, you have to really focus on what they’re saying first, before worrying about making your counter argument.  If you do this, you’ll stop listening and frustrate the other person.

When people aren’t feeling heard or understood, they get frustrated and angry.  This is when the yelling and hurtful comments can start.  Once they are done talking, you can even say you want to paraphrase it back to them.  You can say something like, “Let me repeat that back to you to make sure I got that right.  You said …. Did I understand you right?”. Try not to sound like a therapist when you do this though or you’ll just annoy them.  If you got everything right, they’ll let you know.  If you missed something, they’ll add that in.

Once you do this, they’ll be much more inclined to listen to you in return.  Now you should be at the point of having a conversation instead of an argument. This is a healthier form of communication.

Sometimes it’s best to take some time to think about what they said before you respond.  You can just say something like, “You may have a point, let me think about that for a bit and get back to you.  Can we talk about it some more tonight?”

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I’ve never met anyone who responds well to criticism, especially when it’s harsh criticism. People often just dig in and defend themselves or their position more intently.

So how do you change your communication strategy and convince someone to listen to your side of things? Start by assuming they have good reasons for thinking, feeling, or behaving the way they do. For them, they are doing something that makes sense and have good reasons for what they are doing. Trying to understand those reasons before you try to convince them of your way of thinking about it, you’ll get further. So to win an argument, you’ll want to treat it as more of a discussion than an argument. If you have an argument, then someone wins and someone loses–and who likes losing?.

But, if you have a discussion, you communicate thoughts and ideas and see if you can learn from each other. This keeps things from getting heated and allows the other person to listen and think about what you are saying. The other person has reasons for thinking and feeling the way they do that make sense to them based on their experiences. Start by accepting this and then see if you can provide an alternative way to view the situation. However, you also have to be willing to really listen to what they are saying for this to really work.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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About 99% of couples answer this question with simple things such as, “He would wake up and say “good morning”. Or “she would hug me when she wakes up”.

Small Things Make a Big Difference

Asked whether these changes make a big difference or a small difference, almost everyone says these make a big difference. Imagine what you can do for your relationship by starting your day with such a small but meaningful gesture. I had one woman say that she would love it if her husband would seem as happy to see her after work as he is to see the dog. Imagine just coming in the door when you get home and greeting your spouse with a smile, a greeting, and some genuine affection.

The questions a therapist asks in marriage counseling are helpful in reminding you of things that will make your spouse feel special and appreciated. The counselor asks these questions to slow things down so your spouse can really listen to you.

Get Started on Fixing Your Marriage

If you’ve been worried about your relationship, marriage counseling may be right for you. Most couples start seeing positive changes right away. For more information about Gary Watson or Solution Focused Counseling, contact Gary at 616-914-9874. Or, go to his website at gary@turnaboutcounseling.com.

Gary Watson is a solution-focused therapist who provides counseling for teens, relationships, and individuals in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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Things Get Off Track

One possible explanation for this is that when we have kids, life gets busy and we tend to forget about doing those small things we used to do.  The communication changes too.  When you were first dating or first got married you probably made a point to call your spouse just to say hi and let them know you were thinking about them.  Later on, your phone calls may consist of “Don’t forget to pick up milk on your way home from work”. We get busy and forget to let our spouse know the things we appreciate about them but we don’t forget to tell them the things that annoy us.  

This can leave our spouse feeling like we don’t appreciate them or value them.  Then we notice that they don’t seem very affectionate with us anymore.  Our sex lives suffer as a result.  Most people aren’t very interested in sex with someone who doesn’t make us feel valued and desired.  

Getting Back on Track

When this comes up in solution focused marriage counseling sessions, one of the first things I do is ask each of you what it is you like about the other person.  I also go into how you first met and what first attracted you to each other.  We talk about what you used to do in the beginning of your relationship to let your spouse know you were attracted to them and found them worthwhile. 

Being reminded of the things you found attractive in your spouse is a first step to rebuilding your relationship.  Being reminded of the small little things you used to do for your relationship helps you remember simple things you can do to get things back on track.

If you have a relationship that has gotten off track, solution focused marriage counseling can help.  Solution Focused Counseling focuses on the things you’re doing right that you can do more often. It also helps you and your spouse identify small do-able things you can start doing right away that will help you as well.

Gary Watson is a Grand Rapids based marriage therapist. He specializes in helping couples rebuild relationships by helping you do the things that are most helpful in your relationship.  After all, you were doing things right in the beginning or you wouldn’t have gotten married, right?

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However, several years later, I began working with middle school and high school kids. This was a different matter. Teenagers can be self-conscious so they often don’t want to talk to a counselor or be seen in the counselor’s office.

My First Mistake in Counseling Teenagers:

The first mistake I made when I started counseling teenagers in school, was to focus on the school’s goal for the student instead of talking to students about their own goals. Of course, schools want students to perform well both academically, as do their parents. However, teenagers often do not share that goal, or feel they are doing fine socially and academically so feel no need to get counseling for those issues. So the mistake was in not asking the teenagers what they wanted to change or improve. Thinking back, I can think of few times when school staff asked students what they wanted. Granted, there are many times when it should not and cannot be the student’s choice as to what their expections are.

A Better Way:

However, one thing I’ve learned as a therapist for teenagers is when it comes down to it, parents, teachers, and teenagers all want the same thing for the teenager. They all want the teenager to be successful, to get decent grades, and have a healthy social life. When you include the student in the process of figuring out what needs to change, the student often chooses things similar to what the adults want. Then. you get more buy-in from the teenager. When you don’t bother to ask the teenager for their input on plans that directly affect them, you minimize their buy in.

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Effective communication in marriage is one of the most important things to figure out, and one of the hardest to do consistently. When couples have trouble communicating during conflict, this can be one of the most frustrating of events. In marriage counseling, one of the tasks the marriage counselor takes on is helping you learn to communicate frustrations and concerns in ways your spouse can listen to. Quite often, the counselor will make use of your past successes during disagreements that went well so you can use these strategies in the future. Below is a description of a strategy that helped one couple.

A Strategy That Works in Some Marriages

A couple I was seeing for couples counseling was describing one of their preferred future desires, saying it would be great if they could both not have such strong negative reactions when they are angry about something and have more effective communication during these moments. For example, the husband volunteered that he tends to get angry and swear when repairing things around the house. He is aware that he shouldn’t act this way and doesn’t want to act this way. But when he’s in that moment, it’s hard to pull back and control his temper.

They realized one helpful thing his wife did was to bring him a cup of coffee and suggest he could use a break from his “hard” work. This turned out to be a great distraction from his frustrating task. He took her subtle hint that he was getting out of hand and calmed himself down before resuming the task. They agreed this was a tactic they could use since they both have times when frustration gets the best of them.

Effective Ways to Communicate:

When talking about effective communication in marriage, it can be difficult to “call out” your spouse because it can make their attitude worse. Effective communication is necessary in marriage because you’re stuck with this person for life (if things go well). What seems to work about this strategy is that it interrupts an undesirable behavior without direct confrontation. It may not work for everyone or for every situation but definitely worth a try.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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