Healthy relationships require more than just love—they need respect, healthy boundaries, and mutual understanding. Sometimes, seemingly small behaviors, like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over a partner, may signal early signs of disrespect. If left unaddressed, these behaviors can erode trust, breed resentment, and harm a relationship over time. Here’s why these actions matter and how you can address them to keep your relationship healthy and respectful.

Why These Behaviors Are Harmful

1. Interrupting
   Interrupting a partner can communicate impatience, a lack of interest in their perspective, or even a desire to dominate the conversation. While occasional interruptions may happen unintentionally, a pattern of regularly cutting in can make a partner feel unheard or dismissed. When one partner constantly interrupts, it disrupts the flow of open communication, leading the other to feel undervalued and, over time, even silenced.
2. Publicly Correcting
   Publicly correcting a partner, especially in front of family, friends, or colleagues, can cause embarrassment and damage self-esteem. While some corrections may be harmless or done with good intentions, this behavior often feels patronizing. Public correction can quickly turn into a power move, signaling to others that one partner is “in charge” or feels superior. This kind of behavior can make the corrected partner feel humiliated and resentful, undermining the sense of equality essential for a healthy partnership.
3. Speaking Over
   Similar to interrupting, speaking over a partner demonstrates a lack of respect for their thoughts and opinions. When one person repeatedly talks over the other, it suggests that they believe their opinion is more important. This can lead to frustration, hurt, and a diminished sense of worth in the relationship. Speaking over a partner doesn’t just cut off their voice; it establishes a pattern where their perspective is consistently minimized, creating an unhealthy imbalance.

Long-Term Effects of Disrespectful Communication

Left unchecked, interrupting, publicly correcting, and speaking over a partner can have long-lasting negative effects on a relationship, including:

• Decreased Self-Esteem and Confidence: A partner who feels dismissed, corrected, or spoken over may begin to internalize these behaviors, leading to self-doubt.
• Growing Resentment: Being repeatedly disrespected can cause deep-seated resentment, which can eventually damage trust and closeness.
• Weakened Emotional Intimacy: Healthy communication is the backbone of emotional intimacy. Feeling heard and understood is essential for building trust, but these actions can create distance, leaving one partner feeling alienated or undervalued.

Addressing and Correcting Disrespectful Habits

The first step toward change is recognizing these behaviors as potential signs of disrespect. If you or your partner have noticed these tendencies, here are practical steps for fostering a more respectful dynamic:

1. Reflect on Your Actions and Intentions
   Self-awareness is key to making any change. Reflect on whether you frequently interrupt, publicly correct, or speak over your partner. Consider what drives these behaviors—are they rooted in impatience, a desire for control, or maybe just a habit? Being honest with yourself about the intentions behind these actions can help you understand how they affect your partner.
2. Practice Active Listening
   When one person speaks, the other should actively listen without thinking ahead or planning their response. Practicing active listening shows that you value your partner’s words and are present in the conversation. Simple behaviors like nodding, asking clarifying questions, and making eye contact communicate genuine interest and respect.
3. Establish Boundaries Around Communication
   Set ground rules with your partner around communication to create a more balanced environment. You could agree to avoid public corrections or establish a rule to let each person finish their thought without interruption. These boundaries help both partners feel safe and respected in the conversation.
4. Apologize When You Cross a Line
   Mistakes happen, and sometimes interruptions or corrections will slip out. When they do, acknowledging it can go a long way. Saying something like, “I realize I cut you off—please go ahead,” or “I didn’t mean to correct you in front of others. I’m sorry,” shows humility and a commitment to improving.
5. Create a Safe Space for Feedback
   Encourage open dialogue about each other’s communication needs. Let your partner know they can express their feelings if they feel disrespected, and be open to their feedback. This practice of regularly checking in ensures both partners feel heard and respected.

Building a Respectful Relationship

Every relationship experiences missteps, but how these are addressed makes a difference. Correcting patterns like interrupting, publicly correcting, or speaking over each other may seem small, but they are essential steps toward a more balanced, respectful partnership. Healthy communication fosters trust, strengthens personal boundaries, and maintains an environment where each partner feels valued. By actively working to replace these habits with mindful listening, empathy, and respect, couples can establish a foundation that promotes both individual and relational growth.

In the end, respect is built through small, daily actions. By taking steps to be more mindful, you can create a relationship where both partners feel secure, appreciated, and truly heard.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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But when it’s with our spouse, there’s a tendency to think, “I have to live with this person so I’m not going to tolerate behavior I don’t like”.  We tend to get demanding, overly critical, or demeaning to people we live with and then wonder why we don’t have good relationships.

I sometimes watch couples interrupt each other, speak harshly to each other, bring up the distant past, and fail to say anything positive to each other, yet tell me their coworkers, and customers love them.  Obviously, they are doing something different at work that they don’t do at home.

This isn’t a new idea.  It’s been said in the past that we tend to treat strangers better than our own families and friends.  So what if you made the attempt to treat your spouse like a coworker that you need to find a way to get along with because your livelihood depends on it.  Perhaps it will give you insight into things you could do differently, or things you really need to stop doing.

What if you conducted yourself as if your spouse was a coworker and your boss was present.  It might not change anything, then again, it might.  

Something else that has helped me get along with coworkers in the past is finding out what they’re passionate about.  I was able to shift their bad mood by engaging them in conversations about things they were interested in.  I recall one coworker who seemed constantly irritated by her work responsibilities.  This made it harder to talk to her about upcoming projects, especially when I was making a request that was going to change her schedule or inconvenience her in some way. I then learned that she and her husband collected vintage toys as a hobby.  If I brought this up during lunch and got her talking about her interests, I could watch her mood shift for the better, which made later discussions about work much more pleasant for both of us.

Along these lines, when is the last time you engaged in a pleasant conversation with your spouse about something they are interested in?  When’s the last time you gave them a sincere compliment.  Making a point to do these things more frequently than asking them to do something for you helps a lot.  Think of it as a bank account,  you want to put more in than you are taking out so your balance stays healthy.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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I often provide counseling for men and women individually. I get to hear a lot of their concerns and complaints about what happens when their relationships go sour. Both sexes seem to have their own set of grievances. And in my counseling for men, there are some things that come up quite frequently. Here are five of the things you should stop doing to your husband if you want the relationship to stay strong.

1. Stop calling him only when you need something or want him to stop on his way home to get something. You can do this on occasion but if the only reason you call is to give him a job to do, he’ll start resenting it. Seeing your name pop up on his phone will because a source of dread, not joy. He might even stop picking up your calls because he doesn’t want another chore. Make a point to call him just to say hi, and see how his day is going.
2. Stop talking during the game or when he is busy. Save it for later. I recently sat next to a couple at my son’s soccer game. The dad clearly wanted to watch the game but his wife seemed intent on doing anything but watching the game. She also seemed intent on not letting her husband enjoy the game either. She talked nonstop about the most inane topics imaginable. The guy tried to be polite while she talked at the side of his head for the first half of the game. He finally got smart and handed her a sucker which kept her occupied and the talking stopped. So, two lessons her: Don’t talk during the game and when you do talk, make sure it’s worthy of the other person’s time.
3. Stop complaining about stuff your husband can’t do anything about. If you tell him you’re cold at the grocery store, it sounds like you expect him to do something about it. If there’s nothing that can be done about it, what’s the point of going on about it. Men get tired of hearing complaints about things they can’t fix. If you’re cold, put on a jacket.
4. Stop complaining in general. I’ve talked to lots of men who tried to do nice things for their wives and regretted it almost instantly. One man spent hours cleaning house while his wife was gone and thought she’d be pleased when she got home. When she did come home, her first comment wasn’t “Wow, the house looks great!”, it was “Why didn’t you put the vacuum away when you were done?” If you’re going to look for things to criticize when your husband tries to go above and beyond to help out, you have yourself to blame when he stops doing those things. When you notice your husband doing things you want him to do, acknowledge the effort and keep criticisms to yourself.
5. Stop asking his opinion on things and then doing the opposite anyway. This gets really annoying for men. You ask whether he thinks you should go with choice A or choice B. He picks choice B, then you say, “I think I’ll just go with choice A”. This basically says that not only do you not care what he thinks, but you’re willing to go out of your way to let him know you don’t care what he thinks.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for men, women, couples, teenagers.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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People Engage in Behavior that Works

In my Grand Rapids counseling practice, I work with people who are frustrated with not being treated with respect.  This could be a mother being disrespected by their teenage son, a husband who is being treated poorly by his wife, or someone who is being steamrolled by a boss or coworker.

One of the things we do is start with learning how to say “No” effectively and mean it.  This may mean strengthening your self-esteem and practicing specific ways to say “no” to people that fit your personality.  It often means learning how to effectively establish boundaries with people.  

Why People Treat You with Disrespect

For the most part, we all perform behaviors repeatedly because those behaviors work for us.  When our behaviors get us something we want, we will repeat the behavior.  In fact, it would be silly not to repeat a behavior that works for us.  So, if I have learned that taking advantage of your kindness gets you to do something for me, I will keep doing it.  It is only when that doesn’t work that I will do something else.  

Let’s say your teenage son learns he can ignore your threats to punish him for being disrespectful because nothing actually happens. He still gets to do the thing he wanted with no consequences.  He will continue to get comfortable doing this and do it more often.  So, create a reasonable negative consequence for this behavior that you apply consistently. He will learn that his behavior no longer gets him what he wants and will learn to adapt his behavior.

Here’s another example, let’s say your significant other belittles you when you are with friends.  They may be getting laughs from others or feel superior while doing this. But this only works if you stay around to be belittled.  If you end the conversation or leave when they start belittling you, they learn that if they want you to stick around they have to at least not treat you with disrespect.  For example,  I sometimes advise my adult clients to politely but firmly end conversations with their parent when they start being negative.  When they do this consistently, how quickly the parent learns to be more respectful in how they speak.

Taking Away the Benefits of Disrespect

If you are dealing with someone who treats you with disrespect, think about what gains their behavior gets them. See if you can change the outcome so that the disrespect does not work for them anymore.  However, be aware not to be disrespectful yourself or they may benefit from pointing out how rude you are being.  

If you’d like help getting others to treat you with respect, contact me to discuss how Solution Focused Therapy can help.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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About 99% of couples answer this question with simple things such as, “He would wake up and say “good morning”. Or “she would hug me when she wakes up”.

Small Things Make a Big Difference

Asked whether these changes make a big difference or a small difference, almost everyone says these make a big difference. Imagine what you can do for your relationship by starting your day with such a small but meaningful gesture. I had one woman say that she would love it if her husband would seem as happy to see her after work as he is to see the dog. Imagine just coming in the door when you get home and greeting your spouse with a smile, a greeting, and some genuine affection.

The questions a therapist asks in marriage counseling are helpful in reminding you of things that will make your spouse feel special and appreciated. The counselor asks these questions to slow things down so your spouse can really listen to you.

Get Started on Fixing Your Marriage

If you’ve been worried about your relationship, marriage counseling may be right for you. Most couples start seeing positive changes right away. For more information about Gary Watson or Solution Focused Counseling, contact Gary at 616-914-9874. Or, go to his website at gary@turnaboutcounseling.com.

Gary Watson is a solution-focused therapist who provides counseling for teens, relationships, and individuals in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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Things Get Off Track

One possible explanation for this is that when we have kids, life gets busy and we tend to forget about doing those small things we used to do.  The communication changes too.  When you were first dating or first got married you probably made a point to call your spouse just to say hi and let them know you were thinking about them.  Later on, your phone calls may consist of “Don’t forget to pick up milk on your way home from work”. We get busy and forget to let our spouse know the things we appreciate about them but we don’t forget to tell them the things that annoy us.  

This can leave our spouse feeling like we don’t appreciate them or value them.  Then we notice that they don’t seem very affectionate with us anymore.  Our sex lives suffer as a result.  Most people aren’t very interested in sex with someone who doesn’t make us feel valued and desired.  

Getting Back on Track

When this comes up in solution focused marriage counseling sessions, one of the first things I do is ask each of you what it is you like about the other person.  I also go into how you first met and what first attracted you to each other.  We talk about what you used to do in the beginning of your relationship to let your spouse know you were attracted to them and found them worthwhile. 

Being reminded of the things you found attractive in your spouse is a first step to rebuilding your relationship.  Being reminded of the small little things you used to do for your relationship helps you remember simple things you can do to get things back on track.

If you have a relationship that has gotten off track, solution focused marriage counseling can help.  Solution Focused Counseling focuses on the things you’re doing right that you can do more often. It also helps you and your spouse identify small do-able things you can start doing right away that will help you as well.

Gary Watson is a Grand Rapids based marriage therapist. He specializes in helping couples rebuild relationships by helping you do the things that are most helpful in your relationship.  After all, you were doing things right in the beginning or you wouldn’t have gotten married, right?

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Why Your Spouse is Mad Before They Give You a Chance

We often have these arguments with our spouses in our heads. We try to anticipate what the other person is likely to say and how we will respond to that. As a result, our spouse can be angry with us based on this argument they’ve had in their head before they even talk to us. This doesn’t help the conversation get off to a good start when they are mad before they even start talking.

However, it’s quite possible there’s a good reason for why they are expecting us to respond poorly in the first place. It sometimes has to do with their past experience with us not taking responsibility for things we’ve done wrong, and apologizing. No one does everything right all the time which means you’re bound to screw up once in a while. Subsequently, there should be a sincere apology that follows. If you become defensive when confronted with something, or try to avoid blame, this behavior will shape your spouse’s expectations for future conversations.

However, if they become used to bringing something to your attention and you take ownership of things you’ve done wrong, they’ll learn to approach you calmly. They will be more likely to approach you in a less combative way. When we don’t apologize for things we’ve done wrong, it tells them we will probably do it again.

Effective Apologies Include These Three Things

I’m not a believer in apologizing for things you haven’t done wrong. But once you realize you’ve done something wrong, you should apologize. The apology should include what you did wrong, that you regret doing it, and that you’re going to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Saying you’re sorry that they were offended by your actions is not an apology.

Don’t let your pride get in the way of taking ownership of things you do wrong. Apologizing shows others you’re mature enough to admit your mistakes, and that you will try not to repeat the behavior. It can be painful to admit when you’re wrong. But you at least get credit for being adult enough to admit it. This can help strengthen your relationship.

Most couples are doing more things right than they are doing wrong. When you get stuck in a pattern that prevents you from discussing things that trouble you, marriage counseling can help.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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