Therapy doesn’t work if you’re not going to try the ideas you get from therapy. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. So are you a failure if you go to counseling and don’t use the ideas from counseling? Not likely. Are you lazy? Probably no more so than average.

One of the reasons people don’t follow through with ideas from therapy is that you don’t have a specific plan to try them out. You think, that’s a good idea and I’m going to start doing that and see how it goes (sometime). From a behavioral standpoint, there are a few things that have to be in place for a new behavior to take hold. You have to set up a cue, or prompt, for when specifically you are going to do the new behavior. There also has to be a reward for doing the behavior. Some times we call this a reinforcement of the behavior. This can be just telling yourself you did a good job, or doing a little victory dance. It could be marking it on your calendar or starting a tally system where you make an “X” for every time you do it and keep looking at all the “X”‘s you made.

For some new behaviors you need to rearrange your physical environment to be frequently reminded of the new behavior you want to do. But if you don’t set up a reminder system, or prompt, you’re not likely to do the new behavior.

This is why after I help clients figure out what new behavior they are going to add that will help them get closer to a better life, I then ask them when specifically they are going to do it. Usually I want them to start it the same day as their appointment, not wait until tomorrow. I want to know specifically when they are going to start doing it. If they say, right after dinner, I want to know when specifically “after dinner”. When is dinner officially over? Is it when they put their fork down? Is it when they put the last dish in the dishwasher? Is it when they close the dishwasher door? You need a specific moment that prompts you to do the behavior.

For example, one of my clients wanted to started working out at home every day. He decided that it would be good to add it to his morning routine. Reflecting on his morning routine he recalled that he always drinks a glass of milk in the morning and thought after drinking the milk would be a good time to start. I pressed him about what the precise end of “drinking milk” was so he had a clear cue to walk to his workout area. He concluded that putting the glass in the sink indicated the end of this behavior so we figured out that he could “clunk” the glass down firmly to highlight the end of “drinking milk” and that was his new cue to walk to his weight bench. We next agreed that he would purposely drink milk and clunk the glass down when he got home from his appointment that day and then walk to his weight bench.

Doing the behavior the same day helped reinforce the new sequence for the next day. After he went to his weight bench he celebrated his success with a “woohoo!” to reinforce his success. Guess what? The next day he drank milk and remembered to clunk down the glass with vigor and walked straight to his weight bench. He was able to stick with the new habit by having a very clear cue to start the behavior.

If you’re not trying out good ideas from your therapy sessions, it may not be that you’re not motivated. It may be that you haven’t set up good and specific prompts to do the new behavior.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post One Reason Therapy Fails appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.

Dating and peep pressure to drink or use drugs are another factor in teen depression.  I counsel a lot of teenagers with depression. They often feel like everyone at school is using drugs or drinking.  Or, the kids they grew up with are getting into trouble and they don’t want to follow what their friends are doing but they don’t want to lose their friends either.  It’s quite a dilemma when you have to figure this one out.

Solution Focused counseling and talking to a therapist who can help you weigh your options and figure out how to deal with these kinds of stressors can help a lot.  The nice thing about solution focused counseling is that the therapist usually asks you guided questions to help you choose your own direction instead of just telling you what to do. It’s more like coaching than counseling. The therapist knows you are doing more things right than wrong, and that you’re capable of making your own decisions; you just need someone to be the sounding board for you and help give some direction to your thinking.

If you’re a parent of someone with teen depression, it can be useful to talk to them about trying counseling.  Most teens try counseling partly because their parents make them and partly because to see if I will be useful.  99% of them decide it’s more helpful than they anticipated and willingly schedule the next appointment.  I suggest parents and their teenager talk about the first session while driving home to decide whether counseling is helpful.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post Teen Depression appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.

One Cause of Depression

Many of my younger clients become depressed because they don’t know what they want to do with their lives. They talk about nothing motivating them and so they often just “hang out” or play video games. This can lead to more depression because they know they didn’t do anything that day to improve their situation.

One of my male clients in his early twenties told me that he hates it when his dad has friends over because the conversation inevitably turns to them asking him, “what he’s doing these days?” meaning, “what job do you have now?” He hates the fact that the honest answer is “nothing”. Generally speaking, men do best when they have goals they are working towards that lead to meaningful success in life. The goal can be self improvement such as learning something new, whether or not it applies to a career or not. Sometimes a useful goal can be as simple as getting better and cleaning, organizing, and maintaining your bedroom, apartment, or house.

Strategies to Reduce Depression

Many of my clients who struggle to gain a sense of direction or purpose, and want to reduce depression find that just making themselves get out of bed, off the couch, and turn off the video games is a good start. When they make themselves start chores, check off things on a to-do list, and tackle small jobs or obstacles, they find it builds their sense of agency and they are more interested and motivated to do other productive things such as look for work, fill out college applications, etc.

If you are struggling with life direction and want to reduce depression, you might try some of these tips too. Start with making your bed every morning and staightening up your living area. Start one small job or chore each morning. Pay attention to whether “getting things done” makes a difference in your overall mood at the end of the day. If you notice a positive difference, you know this is a tool that can work for you.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He provides counseling for anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, and relationship problems.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post Work more to Reduce Depression appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.