Many men who begin therapy say they feel stuck. They want to make healthier choices, feel more confident, and get their lives moving in the right direction—but something keeps getting in the way. Surprisingly often, one of the biggest obstacles is simple: poor sleep. Improving sleep habits can dramatically affect other aspects of your mental capabilities and success.

Establishing a consistent bedtime routine is one of the most powerful steps men can take to improve their mental health, decision-making, and self-confidence. When you regularly get to bed at a reasonable hour, you give your mind and body the foundation they need to function at their best.

Why Sleep Matters for Mental Health

Sleep is essential for emotional regulation and mental clarity. When you get enough rest, your brain processes stress, regulates mood, and restores energy. When you don’t, everything becomes harder.

Men who are sleep-deprived often notice:

• Increased stress and irritability
• Poor concentration and productivity
• More impulsive decision-making
• Lower motivation
• Reduced emotional resilience

These effects can show up in relationships, work, and personal goals. Over time, chronic sleep deprivation can contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout.

For many men, improving sleep habits becomes a powerful starting point for improving overall mental health.

Better Sleep Leads to Better Life Choices

One of the most immediate benefits of a healthy sleep routine is improved decision-making. When you are well-rested, the part of the brain responsible for planning and self-control works more effectively.

This makes it easier to make choices such as:

• Exercising regularly
• Eating healthier foods
• Managing stress more calmly
• Staying productive at work
• Maintaining healthier relationships

In contrast, when you’re exhausted, the brain tends to seek quick relief rather than long-term benefit. That might mean staying up late scrolling on your phone, skipping the gym, overeating, or avoiding difficult conversations.

Simply put, good sleep makes healthy choices easier.

Sleep Builds Discipline and Self-Trust

Confidence is often misunderstood. Many people think confidence is something you either have or don’t have. In reality, confidence grows from repeated experiences of keeping promises to yourself.

A bedtime routine creates a daily opportunity to practice discipline.

For example, you might set a goal to start winding down at 10:30 p.m. Each night you follow through—turning off screens, dimming lights, and preparing for sleep—you reinforce an important message to yourself: I take care of my well-being.

Over time, these small actions build self-trust, which is a key ingredient of genuine self-confidence.

A Simple Bedtime Routine for Better Mental Health

You don’t need a complicated system for improving sleep habits. A few consistent habits can make a big difference.

Consider starting with these steps:

1. Set a consistent bedtime. Aim to go to bed at the same time most nights.
2. Reduce screen time before bed. Turn off phones and laptops 30–60 minutes before sleeping.
3. Create a wind-down ritual. Reading, stretching, or journaling can help signal to your brain that it’s time to rest.
4. Keep your sleep schedule steady. Try to wake up at the same time each morning.

Small adjustments like these help regulate your internal clock and help in improving sleep habits and quality.

Why Sleep Matters for Men’s Therapy

Many men come to therapy seeking help with relationships, motivation, stress, or finding direction in life. While these challenges can be complex, healthy routines often create the stability needed to make real progress.

Sleep is one of the most important foundations.

When men begin prioritizing rest, they often notice clearer thinking, stronger emotional control, and improved confidence in their ability to make positive changes.

The Bottom Line

Building a better life rarely starts with dramatic changes. More often, it begins with simple, consistent habits.

Getting to bed at a reasonable hour may seem small, but it supports better mental health, stronger decision-making, and lasting self-confidence. Over time, that one habit can create momentum for healthier choices in every area of life.

If you’re working on improving your mental health, relationships, or sense of purpose, start with the basics. A consistent sleep routine might be one of the most powerful changes you can make.

Gary Watson is a therapist located in the Grand Rapids, MI area. He provides Solution Focused Therapy and specializes in working with young men who struggle with depression, worry, stress, relationships, self-confidence and more.

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We all have habits that we wish we could eliminate—whether it’s mindlessly scrolling through social media, snacking late at night, or procrastinating on important tasks. At the core of these behaviors lies a powerful mechanism known as the habit loop, which is composed of three key components: cue, routine, and reward. To effectively break free from a bad habit, it’s essential to understand how this loop works and strategically interrupt it. In my counseling practice, I work with a lot of clients who are trying to eliminate bad habits which get in the way of developing productive habits.

Understanding the Habit Loop

The habit loop begins with a cue, a trigger that initiates the habit. This might be a feeling (boredom, stress), an external signal (a notification, the sight of a snack), or a specific time of day. The cue leads to the routine, the behavior or action you automatically perform in response. Finally, the loop ends with the reward, which reinforces the behavior by providing a sense of satisfaction, relief, or pleasure.

For example, imagine you’re stressed about a work deadline. The stress (cue) triggers a routine of reaching for comfort food, and the temporary relief or pleasure from eating is the reward. Over time, this loop becomes ingrained, making it difficult to stop the cycle.

Why Breaking Habit Loops is Challenging

Habits are deeply rooted in the brain’s basal ganglia, the part responsible for automatic behaviors. This automation saves cognitive effort but also makes habits resistant to change. To break a bad habit, you need to disrupt its loop—either by identifying and addressing the cue, altering the routine, or finding a different reward.

Strategies to Interrupt Habit Loops

1. Identify the Cue
   The first step to breaking a habit is recognizing what triggers it. Spend a few days observing your behavior and note when and where the habit occurs. Ask yourself questions like:
   • What time of day does this happen?
   • How am I feeling when I do this?
   • Are there specific people or environments involved?
   Once you’ve pinpointed the cue, you can work on neutralizing its influence. For instance, if stress triggers overeating, you might explore healthier stress-management techniques, such as deep breathing or journaling.
2. Replace the Routine
   Habits can’t simply be erased; they must be replaced. Instead of focusing on eliminating the behavior entirely, find a healthier or more productive substitute. For example:
   • Replace the habit of reaching for your phone with taking a short walk when you feel bored.Swap out unhealthy snacks for fruit or nuts when you’re craving a mid-afternoon treat.
   The key is to make the new routine satisfying enough to compete with the original one to eliminate bad habits.
3. Reframe the Reward
   Examine what reward your habit is providing and seek alternatives that deliver similar satisfaction. If the habit of checking your phone provides a dopamine hit from notifications, consider engaging in an activity like reading or solving puzzles that stimulates your brain in a similar way.
4. Introduce Friction
   Making bad habits more inconvenient can weaken their hold. For example:
   • Keep junk food out of the house to reduce temptation.
   • Log out of social media accounts to add an extra step before accessing them.
   • Set up physical barriers, such as storing your phone in another room during work hours.
5. Build a Support System
   Breaking a habit is easier with accountability and encouragement. Share your goals with friends or family, or join a group focused on similar objectives. Celebrate small victories to stay motivated.
6. Practice Mindfulness
   Many bad habits operate on autopilot. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and triggers. Pause and assess your impulses before acting, which creates space to choose a different response.

Persistence Pays Off

Eliminating bad habits is not an overnight process. It requires patience, self-awareness, and consistent effort. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection but progress. With each interruption of the habit loop, you weaken its hold and pave the way for lasting change.

By understanding the mechanics of habit loops and applying these strategies, you can take control of your behaviors and build a life aligned with your goals and values. Breaking the cycle may be challenging, but it’s a transformative journey well worth the effort.

We all have habits that we wish we could eliminate—whether it’s mindlessly scrolling through social media, snacking late at night, or procrastinating on important tasks. At the core of these behaviors lies a powerful mechanism known as the habit loop, which is composed of three key components: cue, routine, and reward. To effectively break free from a bad habit, it’s essential to understand how this loop works and strategically interrupt it.

Understanding the Habit Loop

The habit loop begins with a cue, a trigger that initiates the habit. This might be a feeling (boredom, stress), an external signal (a notification, the sight of a snack), or a specific time of day. The cue leads to the routine, the behavior or action you automatically perform in response. Finally, the loop ends with the reward, which reinforces the behavior by providing a sense of satisfaction, relief, or pleasure.

For example, imagine you’re stressed about a work deadline. The stress (cue) triggers a routine of reaching for comfort food, and the temporary relief or pleasure from eating is the reward. Over time, this loop becomes ingrained, making it difficult to stop the cycle.

Why Breaking Habit Loops is Challenging

Habits are deeply rooted in the brain’s basal ganglia, the part responsible for automatic behaviors. This automation saves cognitive effort but also makes habits resistant to change. To break a bad habit, you need to disrupt its loop—either by identifying and addressing the cue, altering the routine, or finding a different reward.

Strategies to Interrupt Habit Loops

1. Identify the Cue
   The first step to breaking a habit is recognizing what triggers it. Spend a few days observing your behavior and note when and where the habit occurs. Ask yourself questions like:
   • What time of day does this happen?
   • How am I feeling when I do this?
   • Are there specific people or environments involved?
   Once you’ve pinpointed the cue, you can work on neutralizing its influence. For instance, if stress triggers overeating, you might explore healthier stress-management techniques, such as deep breathing or journaling.
2. Replace the Routine
   Habits can’t simply be erased; they must be replaced. Instead of focusing on eliminating the behavior entirely, find a healthier or more productive substitute. For example:
   • Replace the habit of reaching for your phone with taking a short walk when you feel bored.
   • Swap out unhealthy snacks for fruit or nuts when you’re craving a mid-afternoon treat.
   The key is to make the new routine satisfying enough to compete with the original one.
3. Reframe the Reward
   Examine what reward your habit is providing and seek alternatives that deliver similar satisfaction. If the habit of checking your phone provides a dopamine hit from notifications, consider engaging in an activity like reading or solving puzzles that stimulates your brain in a similar way.
4. Introduce Friction
   Making bad habits more inconvenient can weaken their hold. For example:
   • Keep junk food out of the house to reduce temptation.
   • Log out of social media accounts to add an extra step before accessing them.
   • Set up physical barriers, such as storing your phone in another room during work hours.
5. Build a Support System
   Breaking a habit is easier with accountability and encouragement. Share your goals with friends or family, or join a group focused on similar objectives. Celebrate small victories to stay motivated.
6. Practice Mindfulness
   Many bad habits operate on autopilot. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and triggers. Pause and assess your impulses before acting, which creates space to choose a different response.

Persistence Pays Off

Eliminating bad habits is not an overnight process. It requires patience, self-awareness, and consistent effort. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection but progress. With each interruption of the habit loop, you weaken its hold and pave the way for lasting change.

By understanding the mechanics of habit loops and applying these strategies, you can take control of your behaviors and build a life aligned with your goals and values. Breaking the cycle may be challenging, but it’s a transformative journey well worth the effort.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post How to Interrupt Habit Loops to Eliminate Bad Habits appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.

Putting in effort matters in your mental health. Whether you have anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, or something else. To feel good about yourself, about who you are, or where you are going, put in real effort.

I counsel people who are dissatisfied their jobs, social situation, relationships, or maybe their body or personalities. Quite often, people feel worthless but don’t actually do anything to make themselves more worthy. You can change these things for the better, but only with effort. Magical thinking doesn’t change it, telling yourself you’re a warrior, boss, alpha, etc. won’t turn you into one either. You have to start and actually do the work. The good news is there are some life hacks (behavioral hacks) to get help you start. You’d be surprised at how little effort it takes to become a better person. Notice I said become a better person, not think you’re a better person.

Tired of Being Anxious or Depressed?

If you’re tired of being anxious or depressed, boost your mental state just by getting up and doing something. You have to muster the effort to get out of the chair, off the couch, put your phone down, and start doing things that make a difference. Sometimes the smallest effort such as washing dishes, tidying up a room, or getting outside and going for a short walk is a great start to strengthening your mental health. If you do this, it’s probably a little more than you did yesterday. Start there and add something to it the next time, walk a little farther, clean a little more, read one more page of the book.

If you’re like me, you feel better on days you’re productive and getting things done than on days you “play” but don’t accomplish much. On days I don’t accomplish much, I go to bed thinking of the things I neglected to do. On the other hand, on days I get a lot done, I feel satisfied with myself and look forward to relaxing the next day because I’ve earned it.

Being Productive Improves Mental Health

I’ve seen this same effect with other people. I’ll use my son as an example. I make a point to have my son take on more responsibility around the house. Earlier this Spring I had him split some firewood for me. He went outside grumbling because it meant his video game was interrupted. It took him about 30 minutes to split the wood. When he walked back inside, he walked noticeably straighter and with more swagger. He put in the effort to do something hard and felt better for it afterward. More recently, I had him help me with some yard work. I gave him the more manly task of cutting down some saplings with a machete, which he did. Then on his own, he started pulling some bigger weeds in part of the front yard. When I told him he could take a break if he wanted, he declined. He said he was enjoying seeing the progress he was making. He felt good because he got stuff done and saw the progress.

If you want better mental health, try making improvements to yourself. There are no shortcuts. You have to expend effort. This can be mental or physical effort. It’s okay to start small and work your way up. First, figure out what you want to improve. Consider learning to do something new like play an instrument or learn to cook. I have clients who want to get in better shape so they are designing exercise regimens. The key though is to start really small with about one to three percent of where you want to end up.

Start Small for Better Results

For example, if you want to learn more by reading books, don’t try to read a whole book all at once. Start by reading one page a day and gradually add more pages per day. If you want to start exercising, you might need to start with two pushups in the morning before work or school, then gradually increase. And there are scientific reasons for doing this. I’ll explain below.

Pushing yourself to do too much too soon can burn you out quickly. You’re relying on sheer will power to do it and willpower doesn’t last. Doing too much too soon can lead to failing to reach a goal. This usually hurts your mental health. In addition, if you force yourself to do something like practice piano for too long at one sitting, your brain will register this as something unenjoyable and our brains don’t like to do things that we don’t enjoy. You can only force yourself for so long. We change best by enjoying the changes we make. This usually means starting small and slowly increasing the effort.

Even Things You Don’t Like

Even things we don’t like to do, such as homework, can be enjoyable for short periods of time (maybe only for 30 seconds). This is because we enjoy being productive more than enjoy the task itself. When you start the thing you want to get good at, start with small increments of it, and stop while it still feels good. Your brain registers this as a good thing that should be repeated. This makes it much easier to do again the next day. In essence, by doing the new thing and stopping while it still feels good, we develop a craving to do it some more, which means we’re looking forward to doing it at the next opportunity, rather than being glad the hard effort is over and dreading having to do it again.

There is a good book that explains this in detail called “Tiny Habits” by B.J. Fogg if you want more information and specific ideas.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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As I delve more into the science of behavior and motivation, I learn  many of my clients have one thing in common.  They bite off more than they can chew at the start, and then get demotivated and quit. The other thing they do that interferes with their goals is to plan to start “tomorrow”, and tomorrow never happens.

My clients know that starting these good, healthy habits will be a big benefit to them in their lives, so they can’t understand why they can’t just do it.  

The problem is that many of the things we “need” to do in order to feel good about ourselves, cost us in mental and physical effort.  And the human brain doesn’t really like expending energy.  Our brains are geared towards conserving energy, not expending it.  Our brains tell us not to repeat things that are painful or cost a lot of energy.  This may be the same principle in play when we touch a hot stove.  Our brain says to us, “don’t do that again, that hurts.  So goes the motivation when we do something like work out too hard.  We may feel good about burning calories on that first workout, but if we push ourselves and use up all our will power, we are still fighting our brain’s insistence not to do that again because it wasn’t fun.

So, what do you do? You’re trying to start a habit of doing something your brain really doesn’t want you to continue.  How do you convince it otherwise so it will be on your side?

Here’s the trick.  Start small and do just enough so that you’re still enjoying the activity, and then quit for the day while you’re ahead.  Most activities, even math homework, can be enjoyable, or at least satisfying, in short bursts.  For math, for example, you might feel good about the fact that you got out your books and started trying to understand algebra, just for a few minutes.  You want to stop while this still feels good, rather than push through until you’re in agony.

Then, the next day, you add just a little more time to your task.  If you did 5 pushups today and quit before your arms really hurt and your brain is asking why are you doing this, you’ll have the slightest feeling of, “I wanted to keep going”,and then, “I want to do that again”.  This way your brain sees this as enjoyable and instead of dreading when you have to do it again, you’ll be anxiously awaiting the time when you get to do it again.  Then in a few days, you add just a bit more. And in this way, you start to develop a new habit for something that you need to do but don’t necessarily want to do (at first).  Pretty soon,  the exercise or homework or yard work won’t seem like “work” because you let yourself develop an interest in doing it by starting slow and building up.

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Therapy doesn’t work if you’re not going to try the ideas you get from therapy. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. So are you a failure if you go to counseling and don’t use the ideas from counseling? Not likely. Are you lazy? Probably no more so than average.

One of the reasons people don’t follow through with ideas from therapy is that you don’t have a specific plan to try them out. You think, that’s a good idea and I’m going to start doing that and see how it goes (sometime). From a behavioral standpoint, there are a few things that have to be in place for a new behavior to take hold. You have to set up a cue, or prompt, for when specifically you are going to do the new behavior. There also has to be a reward for doing the behavior. Some times we call this a reinforcement of the behavior. This can be just telling yourself you did a good job, or doing a little victory dance. It could be marking it on your calendar or starting a tally system where you make an “X” for every time you do it and keep looking at all the “X”‘s you made.

For some new behaviors you need to rearrange your physical environment to be frequently reminded of the new behavior you want to do. But if you don’t set up a reminder system, or prompt, you’re not likely to do the new behavior.

This is why after I help clients figure out what new behavior they are going to add that will help them get closer to a better life, I then ask them when specifically they are going to do it. Usually I want them to start it the same day as their appointment, not wait until tomorrow. I want to know specifically when they are going to start doing it. If they say, right after dinner, I want to know when specifically “after dinner”. When is dinner officially over? Is it when they put their fork down? Is it when they put the last dish in the dishwasher? Is it when they close the dishwasher door? You need a specific moment that prompts you to do the behavior.

For example, one of my clients wanted to started working out at home every day. He decided that it would be good to add it to his morning routine. Reflecting on his morning routine he recalled that he always drinks a glass of milk in the morning and thought after drinking the milk would be a good time to start. I pressed him about what the precise end of “drinking milk” was so he had a clear cue to walk to his workout area. He concluded that putting the glass in the sink indicated the end of this behavior so we figured out that he could “clunk” the glass down firmly to highlight the end of “drinking milk” and that was his new cue to walk to his weight bench. We next agreed that he would purposely drink milk and clunk the glass down when he got home from his appointment that day and then walk to his weight bench.

Doing the behavior the same day helped reinforce the new sequence for the next day. After he went to his weight bench he celebrated his success with a “woohoo!” to reinforce his success. Guess what? The next day he drank milk and remembered to clunk down the glass with vigor and walked straight to his weight bench. He was able to stick with the new habit by having a very clear cue to start the behavior.

If you’re not trying out good ideas from your therapy sessions, it may not be that you’re not motivated. It may be that you haven’t set up good and specific prompts to do the new behavior.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

The post One Reason Therapy Fails appeared first on Turnabout Counseling.

We tend to focus on the activity that gets us the results we want, such as going to the gym three days a week. What is more important is developing a short routine that ensures we will follow through to the desired behavior. If you want to start working out more, figure out what the first behavior is that will ensure that you get to the gym. It might be packing your gym bag in the morning and putting it by the front door so you remember to take it with you when you leave for work. It might making a point of turning left out of your work parking lot instead of turning right to go home. Once you turn left you are almost sure to follow through and get to the gym.

What if you want to save money, and calories, by taking your lunch to work instead of eating lunch out. You might develop a habit of setting a lunchbox on the counter as part of your night time routine, so seeing the lunchbox on the counter in the morning prompts you to make a lunch in the morning.

For me, I want to start working out at home so I started setting a set of dumbbells in the living room so I see them after work. Seeing them prompts me to pick them up and do a few curls, and doing this feels good so I’m more likely to walk to the other room where the weight bench is to do some more.

If you can find the small behavior that sets the bigger behavior in motion, it’s much easier to do the thing you tend to put off. If you come home and immediately put on your running shoes, something you don’t have to think too hard about, you’re more likely to get outside. Remember, humans are basically lazy by design and our brains try to conserve energy so trying to drum up the willpower to “work out for an hour” or “clean house for and hour” can seem daunting and our brains tend to say “Nope, maybe later”. But, if we make the beginning behavior super easy and it takes almost no energy, we’re more likely to do the smaller behavior. Once we do the smaller behavior, we’re more likely to follow through and do more than we planned. And voila, you’re on your way to doing the main objective.

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Changing one word of this sentence will make a difference in how you feel about doing the task. Changing the word will make a subtle shift in your motivation to do it. If you change the word “have” to “get” you’ll start to feel the difference. Instead of saying “I have to work out”, try saying “I get to work out”. When I do this, such as when it’s time to clean the house, I find that I actually start to look forward to it. It seems to work on the concept of cognitive dissonance. If your words don’t match your original thoughts or feelings, it creates dissonance, which is uncomfortable. To resolve this your brain has to figure out why you are looking forward to doing something you don’t want to do. It will then start coming up with reasons to make it fit. For example, when I start saying “I get to clean house today”, my brain will start coming up with reasons for why I might be looking forward to this. I start having thoughts about how much I enjoy making the house look tidier, how I like being responsible, and so on.

Try it for yourself and see what happens.

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Many of us try to start a new habit for New’s Year’s resolutions. We resolve to exercise more, eat right, lose weight, and so on. Right about now is when most people abandon them. I’m probably one of the only successful people who have kept their resolution for years. About 25 years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to never bother making a New Year’s Resolution again. I’m happy to say I’ve kept it ever since.

Why Wait Until the New Year?

For me, starting a new habit at the beginning of the year puts a lot of pressure on one day. After all, every day can be the start of a new year so why cram it into just day out of 365? There is some research that supports the idea that if you want to start a new habit, or behavior, you need a cue, or a prompt to do the behavior.

While I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore, that doesn’t mean I don’t set goals to have better habits. So for me, one of the more recent habits I’ve started is drinking more water. Overall, water is better for me than the fruit juice I often drink and has fewer calories. I did the math and realized switching from juice to water saves me somewhere between 400 to 600 calories a day. Also, if I drink water more regularly, I’m likely to snack less because I’m not as hungry throughout the day. So what does having a cue or prompt have to do with drinking water? I’ll tell you.

In order to drink more water, I had to create a prompt to drink it. The first thing I did was pick up a clear glass pitcher, fill it with water, and put it in the refrigerator on the top shelf. Every time I open to fridge to get a drink of juice (because I’m thirsty), there’s the water staring me right in the face to remind me to drink it instead of the juice. However, I noticed I was still going too long without drinking water. Being dehydrated tends to make me lethargic, so I wanted to create a prompt to drink water more often.

My solution was simple. I started putting an empty glass on the kitchen counter where I have to look at it every time I walk into the kitchen. I see it and think, “what is that glass sitting there for?”. Then it dawns on me, “oh yeah, I’m trying to drink more water”. So I fill the glass and drink it down.

Here’s Another Idea

I do something similar with laundry. I want to start a new habit where I actually put my laundry away before it gets wrinkled. So, I started putting the laundry basket with the clean clothes on my bed. I made a game of sorts where every time I walk into the bedroom I have to put at least one thing away or hang it up. Once I grab one item I’m more than likely going to take care of two or three items. It’s not long before all the laundry is put away where it belongs.

In my Grand Rapids based counseling practice, I not only help you figure out what changes you want to make, I also help you figure out steps to make it happen. My primary focus is using Solution Focused Brief Therapy, but I like to supplement it with a behavioral approach. Teaching you how we adopt new behaviors and make them stick improves your chances of making lasting positive changes.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Scaling Questions to Help Think Small

One of the things we do in SFBT is use scaling questions.  We ask a client where they would rate their current progress from one to ten, with ten being the best.  Then we look at what you’re doing right that lets it be that number instead of a lower number.  Next we will look at what a half number higher will look like.  Sometimes I even ask for a smaller increase in the number, say one quarter higher because big changes start small.  What we’re asking clients to do is think about small but noticeable changes they can make. These changes should be really easy to perform and implement. 

Small Changes Are Easier to Keep Going

Making one small change not only makes a difference, it’s also easy to keep doing.  This is what behaviorism has taught me.  Changes have to be small and easy for us to keep them going.  When the changes are too big, you can do it for a short time, but soon get burned out by taking on too much at once.

Behaviorists sometimes talk about one percent changes.  They recommend looking for ways to start with 1% improvement of the behavior at first.  If you improve by 1% every week, then in two months you’ve improved by 8%.  In a year, you’ve improved by 52%.  This is good improvement compared to changing by, say, 50% in a week, and then quitting whatever you’re trying to improve because you burned yourself out.  

So when I use the scale, I ask you to talk about what a 1 or 2% change in behavior will look like for you.  I want you to start small on purpose so you have success but aren’t overwhelmed by trying to do too much too soon.

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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Bad Habits Get in the Way

In my personal experience, I’ve developed great ideas about how to improve my circumstances.  I’ve mapped things out to small details and figured out what things I wanted to do to make my situation better.  I devised specific strategies for things I wanted to start doing differently.  However, the problem was that once I had all these great ideas, I felt like I really didn’t have enough time in the day to implement them.  But I was wrong.  I actually did have time. I was just wasting too much time on activities that wasted time.  These were things like spending too much time on youtube, TV, etc.

I had sat down and mapped out the small habits I wanted to add to my daily routine.  These were things like cleaning my house as I go about my day (instead of saving it for a few times a week when it’s more time consuming), studying, working out, doing yard work, etc.  I knew these would make my overall life better and more fulfilling.  What I hadn’t done is take a look at my negative habits that are also getting in the way of establishing the good habits.  

Identifying Bad Habits

Take my Youtube habit.  I tend to use watching Youtube videos as a break from doing paperwork.  I’ll do a little paperwork and then reward myself with a Youtube video about woodworking or something.  But one video turns into six videos pretty easy.  So when I at first thought I didn’t have enough time in the day to get all my good habits in, I realized I can spend less time watching Youtube videos and more time getting my work done during the day.  So, think about what habits you have that hold you back.  How much time do you spend on social media or other time wasting activities?  

Challenging Your Bad Habits

If you begin paying attention, you may notice that you have several habits that you do to avoid starting the good habits you want to have.  When you discover what these are, you can begin to deconstruct them so they happen less.  You can become aware of the environmental cues around your home or work place that prompt you to engage in the negative behavior.  

Make Bad Habits Harder to Do

If you remember that we only do activities that are easy to do, are motivated to do, and are prompted to do, you can start making it harder to do these behaviors.  For example, with my Youtube habit, I decided that just having my laptop in my office is an environmental cue, or prompt, to watch Youtube.  I decided to start taking my laptop out to my car during times that I need to focus on doing paperwork in the office.  This both removes the environmental prompt (see the laptop and think about Youtube videos) and it made the behavior harder to do.  If I really wanted to watch Youtube videos, I’d have to walk out to my car and retrieve it.

Examine Your Motivation to Do Bad Habits

In another example, I decided I wanted to drink more water instead of milk so I could consume fewer calories.  So, I changed my kitchen environment.  I picked up a clear glass pitcher and filled it with water and lemon slices.  I put this pitcher on the top shelf of my refrigerator so it would be right in front of my face when I opened the refrigerator.  It worked for a while.  I was prompted to reach for the water instead of the juice.  But soon I realized I was reaching more for the juice bottles or milk jug instead of the water.  What I realized is that drinking the water was harder for me than drinking the juice or milk.  Why? 

To drink the water, I had to get out the pitcher, get a glass from the cabinet, pour a glass of water, return the pitcher to the refrigerator, and then put the glass in the sink afterward.  With the milk or juice, I could grab the jug and drink right from the jug (I’m a batchelor).  This is a lot easier and faster.  So I realized I needed to make drinking water easier.  I cleaned out an empty milk jug and filled it with water and put it where the milk usually sits.  This worked well and I’m drinking much more water and much less milk and juice.

So, if you have behaviors that are getting in the way of doing productive behaviors, figure out what the prompts are for doing that behavior.  What is making you think about doing the behavior?  Is it something visual?  Is it some kind of craving that the behavior will satisfy?  Can you change your environment so you are cued to do the good behavior and less of the negative ones?  Can you make the negative behavior harder to do, or harder to access?

Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan.  He provides counseling for couples, teenagers, and adults.  He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more.  For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.

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