Okay, this is just a word I came up with, but it still fits. It’s when you spend time a lot of time being irritated at your partner based on past encounters so that whenever they try to talk to you, you automatically assume they’re going to annoy you. When this happens, it makes getting into an argument much more likely. You tend to filter what they are saying to you through this lens and don’t really give them a fair chance. You might also have something to talk to them about that is. sensitive topic. You already think in your own mind what their response is going to be you’re mad at them even before you start talking. As a result, you approach them with an angry or irritated tone as if they’ve already done something wrong. Subsequently, they will hear the anger in your tone of voice or facial expressions and get defensive right off the bat. This usually doesn’t end well for either of you.
If you realize you have a tendency to do this and want to have better communication, you can try to catch yourself before you approach them and try to have the attitude that they will be understanding and try to get on the same page as you. This can have the result of you seeming to be a “reasonable person” in their eyes and hopefully they will match your tone.