Success leads to more success. When possible, focus on what you’re doing right, and less on what you’re doing wrong. Focusing on your successes builds your confidence to keep going and keep trying. Focusing on your failures will demotivate you and may even lead to depression. But of course, be realistic; be honest.
An Example of Looking for Success
I was talking to a client today in my Ada counseling office about his recent dating life. He had some bad luck with the women he dated over the past year. However, he recently worked up the courage to start a conversation with a girl. Fortunately, it went well and they plan to see each other again. Since he is on an upswing, I decided to ask him to focus on what he’s doing right lately that lead to his current success. He listed several things he is doing right including trying to improve on his job, being more social, trying new hobbies, and giving himself credit for taking reasonable risks. Talking about his successes lead to him realizing more things he has done right recently and he listed those as well. And, remembering more things made him feel more confident. I could see it in his posture.
Choose to Look for Your Successes, Not Your Failures
So, I mentioned to him that we always have a choice to make, focus on successes or on failures. I asked him how he could use this idea if the girl he talked to rejected him. He correctly asserted he could have given himself credit for being brave enough to talk to her rather than feeling like a loser.
The boy in the ad above might have been correct if he told himself he is not the best hitter in the world. Some would say that’s more honest. But changing it to being the best pitcher was also true in a sense. nd much more useful in maintaining his enthusiasm and willingness to keep going.
Gary Watson is a Solution Focused Therapist in Grand Rapids Michigan and Ada, Michigan. He provides counseling for couples, counseling for teenagers, and adults. He can help with anxiety, depression, stress, college and work stress, relationship problems, and more. For more information, please visit the website at www.turnaboutcounseling.com.